Leonard: Even with your mother here, you are deliberately hogging all the attention from my mom. You're like one of those elephant seal pups that steals the milk from two mothers!
Sheldon: Do you mean what marine biologists refer to as "super weaning"?
Leonard: Yes, you are a super weaner!

Leonard: I got you something for Valentine's Day and I was too embarrassed to give it to you.
Penny: Why?
Leonard: Because I got it at the dirty store.
Penny: You went to the dirty store without me?
Leonard: In sun glasses and a hat after I parked two blocks away.

Raj: Did the listing actually saying "Miniature"?
Leonard: (Looking at time machine) I just assumed.

Penny: What am I supposed to say?
Leonard: Say "Can't talk right now, hanging with my boyfriend. England sucks. You suck. USA number one."

Raj: Now it's happening to me. Ooh, I should probably make a list of all the scientific inaccuracies in Mamma Mia 2.
Penny: You're gonna go on live TV and admit you've seen that movie?
Raj: Hey, your husband's the one who took me.
Leonard: Meryl Streep and Cher? Yeah, I saw it.

Leonard: I would pull this car over and kick you out, but if Penny dumps me, you're all I got.

Sheldon: *Laughs* Very good. Because a gorilla go-go dancer of any sexual preference would be out of place in a film about the Holocaust.
Leonard: It only gets funnier when you explain it, Sheldon.
Sheldon: I know.

Leonard: This would have been so much more romantic if you didn't have gorilla hair on your fingers.

Leonard: I'd love it if my dad could come.
Penny: Oh, you have to invite him. I haven't seen him since the divorce.
Leonard: Oh, he's like a different man. He stopped twitching, and I think he grew an inch and a half.

Leonard: Sheldon, I've known you a long time. I'm going to tell you this with all the love I can possibly muster. Amy's right, you're wrong.
Sheldon: But you don't even know -
Leonard: It doesn't matter.
Sheldon: But in my defence -
Leonard: Doesn't matter!

Leonard: Congratulations. Who would've thought you two would be the first in our group to start a family.

Leonard: He made you his screensaver.
Amy: Oh, wow. I had no idea. He is so into me!

Sheldon: I just restocked the old PRK.
Penny: PRK?
Leonard: Public Restroom Kit. Everything a boy needs for making pee-pee in new and strange places.

Leonard: You think they'll still go on the trip?
Sheldon: All I know is after the fight I went to Emily's to smooth-
Leonard: They're not going on the trip.
Penny: No.

Penny: Did we move at all?
Leonard: Maybe a long the Z axis, but X & Y are looking pretty sad.