Amy: Okay, that's enough.
Penny: What, no. I really want to know what happens. And Bernadette really, really, really wants to know what happens.

Penny: Come on, we are not old, boring people. We can do better than this.
Leonard: That's true. How late did we stay up last night?
Penny: Almost 1 am.
Leonard: Damn straight almost 1 am. And we weren't even watching TV, we were watching Netflix like the kids do.
Penny: Yeah. Is it a comedy, is it a drama? Nobody knows!

Sheldon: I don't know what the protocol is here. Do I stay, do I leave? Do I wait to greet them with a refreshing beverage?
Penny: Gee, Sheldon, you're asking the wrong girl. I'm usually on the other side of the tie.

Leonard: Is this the stuff you want me to try on?
Penny: No this is the stuff I want you to throw out. Seriously, don't even give it to charity. You won't be helping anyone.

Penny: Not really a great outfit for work. Unless something opens up in the Hookers & Whores department.

Sheldon: I don't think I can go back out there.
Penny: That's fine. You know, I hate that your sister and her friends used to torture you. But what I hate even more is, if I was there, I would have tortured you, too.
Sheldon: Based on this pep talk, I'd say you're still doing it.
Penny: My point is, there was a time I never would've been friends with someone like you, and now you are one of my favorite people. So, if what you need is to spend your birthday in a bathroom, I'm happy to do it with you.
Sheldon: Well, everyone will think I'm weird.
Penny: Sweetie, you are weird. Everyone knows you're weird, but they're all still here because they care about you so much.

Penny: Hey, since when do you do laundry on a Thursday?
Sheldon: Oh, I had an accident at work, I slipped and fell on my soup sack.
Penny: You know, there was a time I would say "What's a soup sack?" But I'm glad we're past that.

Sheldon: Did you also have a dog? Because I found what appears to be a battery-operated chew toy.
Penny: Party's over. Party's over.

Amy: You went to seven proms?
Penny: Yeah. Let's see, four "under the seas", two "enchanted evenings", and one night to remember - that I can not remember for the life of me.

Raj: Don't come to the hospital. We're headed home.
Penny: Oh, that was fast. Did she sneeze the baby out?

Sheldon: Do you think your father's doing unspeakable things to my mother?
Leonard: No.
Sheldon: Are you saying that because the things are unspeakable?
Penny: Your parents are old. Anything unspeakable was finished by 9:30.

Sheldon: Just the latest copy of Applied Particle Physics Quarterly.
Penny: Oh, you know, that is so weird that yours came and mine didn't.

Wolowitz: According to Alicia's Facebook page, she's hooking up with one of the producers on CSI.
Penny: Dead whore on TV, live one in real life.

Penny: Oh, my God, you’re about to jibber jabber about jibber jabber.

Penny: We can't keep explaining everything. Read that book we gave you.