Penny: I love him, but if he's broken, let's not get a new one.

Dan: Well one thing I've been meaning to tell you, is that the company's gonna stop paying for our coffee.
Bernadette: No problem. When does that start?
Dan: Five months ago.
Bernadette: What? Who's been paying for my coffee.
Dan: All of us.
Penny: Yep, it comes from the swear jar we put money in when you curse.

Penny: You keep him there a little longer, and when you get to the party, I'll point out which of my friends are easy.
Howard: Don't toy with me, woman.
Penny: I got a hot former fat girl with no self-esteem. I got a girl who punishes her father by sleeping around, and an alcoholic who's 2 tequila shots away from letting you wear her like a hat.
Howard: Thy will be done.

Mary: Could the reason you can't find a guy is because you're letting them ride the rollercoaster without buying a ticket?
Penny: Oh, they don't always get to ride the roller coaster. Sometimes they only get to spin the teacups.

Penny: Amy is right, I do want to fling my poop at her.

Leonard: You know deep down inside, Howard's a nice guy.
Penny: The problem isn't what's on the inside. It's the creepy candy coating.

Penny: Tweety Bird tawt he taw a what?
Sheldon: A romulan.
Penny: Yes, he tawt he taw a romulan.

Sheldon: I lost this to Wolowitz in an ill-conceived cricket wager.
Penny: What, do they have Wii Cricket now? Well, that can't be very popular.

Penny: Hey Leonard, what's up with Dr Wackadoodle?

Raj: I can't believe Sheldon gave this up.
Leonard: I know. We're gonna have so much more fun than him.
Bernadette: No, they're not.
Penny: Knowing them, they will.

Penny: Leonard, you're looking for a way to sleep with both women and have everybody be happy about it.
Leonard: Now we're getting somewhere.
Penny: What does your gut tell you?
Leonard: Go ask Penny; she'll know what to do.

Penny: Um, you know it's kinda early. Do you wanna maybe come in for some coffee or something?
Stuart: Oh gee, its a little late for coffee isn't it?
Penny: Aw, you think coffee means coffee. That is so sweet.

Leonard: They've been in there for like half an hour.
Penny: Yeah, for future reference that's a while.

Penny: Okay, I understand everyone's a little tense today, so I am just gonna get to the important stuff. Leonard, standing here with you in front of our family and friends is bringing up a lot of feelings. Like what a good idea it was to elope the first time. But also how incredibly happy you make me. Thank you for marrying me. Hopefully for the last time.

Leonard: Okay, uh, how do I put this? Um, are you familiar with Darwin's observation of the finches in the Galapagos Islands?
Penny: Did they make a movie about it?
Leonard: No.
Penny: Then no.