Raj: You want a real challenge, try keeping me from eating more of these.
Sheldon: You're just using food to mask the fear that you're fundamentally unlovable and therefore going to be alone forever.
Raj: Damn it, he's good at that, too.

Howard: Oh, boy. I really passed out hard.
Raj: Yeah, tell me about it. The kids could've screamed bloody murder and you wouldn't have woken up. Which I know because they did.

Howard: All right, enough with the camera.
Raj: Well, this is not for me. This is for the baby. Some day she's gonna want to see this.
Howard: I'm sorry. Who's gonna want to see this?
Raj: I I said "she" but lots of things are she - boats and cars, whales. Like, "thar she blows!"
Stuart: You're doing great.

Doctor Wolcott: Well, um, I don't normally allow strangers into my house.
Raj: But when you do, you-you let them out, right?

Raj: So, forgive me forgive me for being nosy, but is there a wedding ring under those pretty rubber gloves?
Issabella: No, not for many years.
Raj: Oh, so, you are unencumbered?
Issabella: Just me and my son.
Raj: I love kids, how old is he?
Issabella: Nineteen.
Raj: That's a cute age. They can do so many things.

Bernadette: You're not gonna get information, you're just gonna get criticism that hurts your feelings.
Raj: Don't worry, I'm a grown man. I have a thick skin.
Howard: (chuckles) You're so stupid.
Raj: Hey!

Raj: This is fun. I have never cleaned a toilet before.
Issabella: You're kidding.
Raj: No, I grew up with a house full of servants and now I have a cleaning lady ... who is a lovely woman who I have great respect for.
Issabella: It's okay, you're allowed to have a cleaning lady.
Raj: Oh, good, because she also walks my dog, buys my groceries and cuts my hair.
Issabella: I think that's called a mommy.

Raj: Oh dear.
Howard: What's the matter?
Raj: She didn't take my order.
Howard: How can she take your order when you're too neurotic to talk to her?
Raj: Nevertheless, this will be reflected in her tip.

Raj: What would you do if you had a billion dollars?
Howard: Same as Bill Gates, try to make the world a better place, but I'd do it in a working Iron Man suit.
Raj: I didn't know that came in a boys' medium.

Raj: Uh, heads up, both of you are named Emily, so we'll call you "red-headed Emily" and you, "red-headed Emily, Junior."

Raj: Would you look at this? I paid twenty five dollars to some kid on eBay for a handcrafted Harry Potter wand. He sent me a stick. He went into his backyard, he picked up a stick.
Howard: It's numbered.
Raj: Ooh, limited edition. Nice.

Anu: I guess if we're going forward with this wedding, we should talk about the next steps.
Raj: Oh, like themes and flowers?
Anu: Actually, finances and taxes.
Raj: Oh. We can't use that. That was the theme of my parents' divorce.

Raj: Dr. Nowitzki. Good to see you.
Ramona Nowitzki: Good to see you, too.
Raj: May I join you?
Ramona Nowitzki: No.
Raj: Good to see you.

Leonard: Did you know Raj moved out last night?
Penny: What? Why?
Leonard: "Leonard and Penny, I'm sorry for all the trouble I've caused. I went to stay at Howard's. P.S. Cinnamon's with me, but if you feel like messing with Sheldon, tell him she's loose in the building."

Raj: Guys, I need your help, okay? I'm trying to buy her engagement ring. What do you think of this? Do you think she'll like this one?
Bernadette: Well, it's hard to say, not knowing much about her. Does she have fingers?
Raj: Yes, she has ten fingers and ten toes. Probably. I'll get back to you after I see her in sandals.