Amy: (To sheldon) Hey, cuddles.
Leonard: Cuddles?
Sheldon: Yes, "cuddles". We cuddled. Grow up, Leonard.

Sheldon: Amy, mourning the inevitable is a complete waste of time.
Amy: And watching a bunch of goofy space movies you've seen a hundred times isn't?
Sheldon: If we were in a physical relationship, you've just lost sex tonight.

Howard: I'm an astronaut and you know it. You just don't like admitting it because you're jealous.
Sheldon: Well, truth be told, as a child I did dream of going to space. Those astronauts were my heroes. And when you got to go, it was hard for me.
Howard: Thank you.
Sheldon: Because it made me realize they'll just send anyone up there.

Amy: Watching your old friend?
Sheldon: Yes. Look at him, Amy. It's such a shame. Struck down in the prime of my life.

Sheldon: What are you doing?
Leonard: Comforting you.
Sheldon: Your heart might be in the right place, but your head, chest and arms certainly aren't.

Howard: Sheldon, I know Stephen Hawking. I worked with him.
Sheldon: And if they ever come out with a game called Words with People You Once Worked With, you'll be off to the races.

Amy: Okay, what's the next test?
Sheldon: Loyalty. We need to choose someone who has our backs, someone who will keep our secrets even from each other.
Amy: Well, I don't have any secrets from you. Do you have secrets from me?
Sheldon: Yes. Oh, that has been weighing on me for years.

Sheldon: Now to business. Eighteen years ago, I sent the FBI Crime Lab samples from a bag of excrement that had been lit on fire on my front porch for fingerprinting and DNA analysis. Why haven't I heard back yet?
Agent Page: Well, the FBI Crime Lab does have a lot on its plate.
Sheldon: That's of little comfort to a nation attempting to scrape burning faeces off its shoes.

Sheldon: If I wanted to waste my time on nonsense, I'd follow Leonard on Instagram.

Sheldon: No, you've opened my eyes to the truth. Amy has made me a more affectionate, open-minded person. And that stops now.

Amy: The last time we were in this room, we were getting married.
Sheldon: I remember. It's a lot less impressive without Mark Hamill in it.
Amy: That's what you said about our honeymoon.
Sheldon: And I stand by it.

Sheldon: You know what this is? And I reserve this word for those instances when it's truly reserved. This is malarkey.

Amy: Poor Leonard.
Sheldon: Why? The theory he came up with just got mentioned in Scientific American. He ought to be thrilled.
Amy: He might not be.
Sheldon: Maybe you're right. He is kind of a lump.

Amy: Your turn.
Sheldon: (runs randomizer) Ring bearer! Oh boy, I'm so glad that R2-D2 is still available.

Sheldon: Neither of them will be the actual cake. I'm just using it as a bargaining chip to get Amy to agree to the whole wedding party getting rings and us getting one ring to rule them all.