Leonard: Sheldon, I wasn't done talking. She hands in the paper tomorrow. I know I could help her. And she's my girlfriend. I, I should be allowed to help her. Why aren't I allowed to help her?
Sheldon: Yeah, I hear you, brother.
Leonard: No. You need to give me some advice.
Sheldon: Fine. Women, huh?
Leonard: No, specific to my situation.
Sheldon: Blond women, huh?
Leonard: Empathetic.
Sheldon: It sucks to be you.
Leonard: I quit.

Sheldon: We might as well stop. It's a stalemate. You're beating me at tetris, but you've got the upper body strength of a Keebler Elf.

Amy: Your turn.
Sheldon: (runs randomizer) Ring bearer! Oh boy, I'm so glad that R2-D2 is still available.

Sheldon: Given our new found intimacy, I'd say we have some hard choices to make.
Penny: Like what?
Sheldon: Gary Con. Do we fly or drive? Do we wear costumes? And if so, who gets to be Gary?

Sheldon: Oh really, Leonard? Are you going to have another one of your hissy fits?
Leonard: Hissy fits? I have hissy fits?
Sheldon: Yes, and I have a theory why. Because of your lactose intolerance, you switched over to soy milk. Soy contains estrogen-mimicking compounds. I think your morning Cocoa Puffs are turning you into a hysterical woman.

Raj: Aren't you going to get 3D glasses?
Sheldon: I brought my own. No sense in risking "bridge of nose Herpes".
Raj: Is that a real thing?
Sheldon: Well, until they invent nose condoms, I'm not finding out.

Amy: I think you need to do some editing, like maybe cut out all that stuff about your childhood.
Sheldon: Are you kidding? Growing up in the backwoods of East Texas is what makes me warm and relatable.
Amy: Well, what about all these pages calling out everyone who said you wouldn't succeed?
Sheldon: I told them all they would rue the day. How is it gonna make me look if the day finally comes, and they're not filled with rue?

Sheldon: All right, Amy, you're up. Next decision.
Amy: Come on, first dance! Come on, first dance!
Sheldon: (runs computer randomizer) Invitations! Oh! That's a good one. Just a suggestion, hologram projected out of R2-D2.

Sheldon: I will play the word "at" for two measly points, throwing the game and thus securing my friendship with the smartest man in the world.
Howard: What are you waiting for? Hit send.
Sheldon: I can't. Losing on purpose is intellectually dishonest.
Raj: So don't do it.
Sheldon: Oh, but I want to be Hawking's friend.
Howard: So do it.
Sheldon: Oh, but if I do, I'll be a phony, a sellout, a Hollywood poser.
Raj: Then don't do it.
Sheldon: I won't. This feels right. My mother always said, to thine own self be true.
Howard: Good for you.
Sheldon: 'course she also told me that every animal in the world got on one boat, so what does she know? And send.

Penny: What's yours?
Sheldon: I wake up. I enjoy some french toast with butter and syrup. Then a wormhole opens and whisks me millions of years into the future, where my towering intellect is used to save the last remnants of mankind from a predatory alien race.
Penny: Interesting you didn't mention Amy.
Sheldon: Who do you think made the french toast and syrup?

Sheldon: I have spent years turning this lump of clay in to an acceptable conduit for my will. Then you came along and reshaped him with your new fangled ideas and fancy genitals.

Howard: How'd you get him to come to your house?
Sheldon: As Professor Proton always says, there is no problem you can't solve if you use your noggin.
Leonard: And he wrote him a check.
Sheldon: Yeah, that too. A big check.

Amy: You know, this might work out for the best. You're always complaining about what a terrible roommate Leonard is. Like how he turns up the thermostat when you're not there.
Sheldon: Euck, it's like walking into the Amazon. And not the good Amazon with one-day shipping, the awful one with birds and snakes.

Howard: He can't handle the fact that I'm a bigger deal than he is now.
Sheldon: Oh, preposterous. I have been solely responsible for this university's six loop quantum gravity calculations, I have changed the way we think about Bose-Einsten condensates, and I am also the one who got Nutter Butters in the cafeteria vending machine. Maybe you missed that news while you were floating around like a goof in outer space.

Sheldon: Are you saying I'm standing on an unpermitted deck?
Howard: It's been here for years, Sheldon. It's fine.
Sheldon: How did the inspector not flag this when he came to check out your bathroom renovation?
Howard: Uh...
Sheldon: Are you telling me that I have showered in an uninspected bathroom?
Bernadette: You showered in our house?
Sheldon: You made me hold your children. What did you expect me to do?