Leonard: Is this what we're doing the rest of the night?
Sheldon: I'm surprised you have to ask.

Raj: Fine, you want something to do? There's about six months of data on this hard drive.
Why don't you go through it and see if you can spot any patterns or anomalies.
Sheldon: Yep, I'm on it. Hey, look at that! An Indian guy outsourcing a computer job to a white fella.

Leonard: What are you thinking of naming it?
Sheldon: I haven't settled on anything yet.
Raj: We haven't settled on anything yet.
Sheldon: All right, way to go, Cat Poster. You hang in there.

Sheldon: Penny, rub Vicks on my chest.
Penny: Sheldon, I cooked you breakfast. I made your bed. I checked your mouth for thrush. You can rub your own chest.
Sheldon: Oh, sure, grope every other male on the planet, but draw the line with me.

Leonard: That's fine, 'cause actually you're not invited.
Sheldon: Well, now well, that's hurtful.
Penny: Oh, Sheldon, you don't even like it there.
Sheldon: I can consider a place America's urinal cake and still enjoy the occasional visit.

Sheldon: Before you do, please give me one more chance to apologize to Emily.
Raj: Oh, God.
Sheldon: Emily, as I'm sure you know, I'm considered an odd fellow. But what you don't know is that, while I often say the wrong thing, in my heart I mean well. I think that you are a smart and wonderful woman, you know? And we all think that you can do better than Koothrappali.
Raj: You know, Sheldon-
Emily: Shh, let him finish.
Sheldon: So, for all the times I've offended you and all the times that I'll offend you in the future, I'm sorry.
Emily: Thank you.

Sheldon: Ooh, hey, oh, ask her to do the tissue thing. Do it, ask her.
Amy: Can I have a tissue?
Meemaw: Of course. (Meemaw pulls a tissue out of her sleeve)
Sheldon: Isn't that the best?! She's like Grandma Spider-Man.
Meemaw: He's been saying that since he was little. I still don't know what it means.

Sheldon: Oh, well, you two sit down and get to know each other. I'll get your room ready.
Meemaw: Oh, now don't you go looking through my suitcase for presents.
Sheldon: If I did, would I find any?
Meemaw: Maybe. But you also might find my brassieres and bloomers.
Sheldon: That's a risk I'm willing to take!

Penny: What happened? Is Amy gone?
Sheldon: No. They asked me to leave so they could speak privately.
Penny: Uh oh.
Sheldon: Yeah, I know. It was quite tense. So here's the million dollar question. Uh, who wants to pop over there and get my trains?

Amy: Consider tonight's episode a Valentine's Day gift for you, our viewers.
Sheldon: It's also my gift to you. That was clear, right? 'Cause you're not getting anything else.

Howard: Look at this. I bet whoever invented tiny umbrellas doesn't have to worry about money. He can have all the kids he wants.
Sheldon: And can keep a small portion of their heads dry.

Bernadette: What kind of cake do you like?
Sheldon: Well, my favorite is chocolate with strawberry frosting, three layers, and if there's writing on it, make sure it's not all caps. I don't need my dessert yelling at me.

Sheldon: It's nice to get back to nature. Why don't I do this more often? What a beautiful forest. Hello, little butterfly. What's your na -- Oh!
Leonard: What'cha doing?
Sheldon: I was enjoying some virtual reality, until you ruined it with your actual face.

Sheldon: Well, make your jokes, but some of the participants who spent four days in the woods away from all technology reported a fifty percent gain in reasoning skills upon their return.
Penny: Okay, if that's true, why aren't there more genius squirrels?
Sheldon: (Hands Penny the virtual reality headset) You may need this more than I do.

Leonard: Okay, I'll go. Never have I ever been arrested.
Sheldon: So I drink.
Amy: No, it's only if you've done it.
Sheldon: Got it.
Amy: I can't believe you've been arrested.
Sheldon: I can't believe Penny hasn't.