Sheldon: You're really going without me?
Leonard: It's not a big deal. Go shopping with Amy, and we'll save a spot in line for you.
Sheldon: You don't have the authority to save places in the line. If I do that, I'll be cutting.
Leonard: People do it all the time.
Sheldon: You know the golden rule of line etiquette. No cuts, no buts, no coconuts.

Leonard: Hey, how'd it go?
Sheldon: It went well. Yeah, I've learned that if you never say you're sorry, the times you do really puts them on their heels. Uh, Stuart, I relieve you of your line duties.

Sheldon: Excuse me.
Leonard: Oh, please don't.
Sheldon: Uh, uh, I couldn't help but notice that you cut the line.
Guy: Oh, uh, I'm with my friends. It's cool.
Sheldon: Well, no. It's not cool. If there were reserved seating, and we all had tickets, that would be fine. But this line is first-come, first-served. Not show up tardy and nevertheless be first served. Right here.
Leonard: No.
Sheldon: You need to go to the back of the line.
Guy: Uh, who made you line monitor?
Sheldon: Mrs. Wunch in fourth grade. And my slogan was a line that's straight is a line thats great.

Penny: And yes, you love correcting people and putting them down.
Sheldon: Au contraire. When I correct people I am raising them up. You should know, I do it for you more than anyone.
Penny: Come on, you do it to feel superior. I see that twinkle in your eye when someone says who instead of whom or thinks the moon is a planet.
Sheldon: Or Don Quixote is a book about a donkey named Hotay.
Penny: See, there it is, there's that twinkle.
Sheldon: Well, I can't help it. That's an involuntary twinkle.

Penny: You know what? It's none of my business. If you want to sleep with Sheldon's doctor buddy right after we stopped seeing each other, go for it.
Leonard: Well, now...
Sheldon: Excuse me. I'm uncomfortable with you recommending that Leonard pursue having intercourse with Dr. Plimpton, who I assure you has better things to do.
Penny: I'm not recommending it. I'm saying it already happened.
Sheldon: That's preposterous. Tell her, Leonard.
Leonard: Well...
Sheldon: No.
Leonard: Come on. It wasn't my fault.
Sheldon: The implication being that you somehow tripped and fell into her lady parts?

Leonard: So this button here will allow you to scan a new equation, but over here, you can press this and just substitute new values for the coefficients.
Sheldon: Good one, boss.
Leonard: What?
Sheldon: This diagram. I assume you were opening with a joke. It certainly buoyed up this employee's esprit de corps.
Leonard: It's not a joke. It's the real design.
Sheldon: In that case, may I offer 27 little tweaks to make it slightly less embarrassing?

Penny: Alright, remember when I auditioned for that workshop production of Rent, but I didn't get it and I couldn't figure out why?
Sheldon: I have a conclusion based on an observation.
Leonard: No, you don't. No he doesn't.

Sheldon: Never mind. I clearly woke you up in the middle of a REM cycle. You're in no state to talk.

Sheldon: Remember how Leonard told you we couldn't come to your performance because we were attending a symposium on molecular positronium?
Penny: I remember symposium.
Sheldon: Yes, well, he lied.
Penny: Wait, what?
Sheldon: He lied, and I'm feeling very uncomfortable about it.
Penny: Well imagine how I'm feeling.
Sheldon: Hungry? Tired? I'm sorry this really isn't my strong suit.

Leonard: You told her I lied? Why would you tell her I lied?
Sheldon: To help you.
Leonard: I'm sorry, I'm not seeing the help.
Sheldon: She was going to see through your lie eventually, so I told her that you were lying to protect me.
Leonard: Oh, I'm getting a bad feeling.
Sheldon: Hunger? Indigestion? I'm sorry. I'm really not very good at this.

Leonard: Okay. Why would I go to a drug intervention for your cousin?
Sheldon: Ah, because it's in Long Beach, and I don't drive.
Leonard: We're going to Long Beach?
Sheldon: No, of course not. Theres no cousin Leo, theres no intervention. Focus, Leonard.

Sheldon: No. We're going with middle child and a generic predisposition to inadequate serotonin production.
Toby: Swell, how do I play genetic predisposition?
Sheldon: Sub-textually, of course.

Leonard: Obviously, when I saw that you were in ours, I went and used another one.
Sheldon: Where?
Leonard: The gas station across the street.
Sheldon: In your pajamas?
Leonard: Yes.
Sheldon: Without shoes?
Leonard: Yes.
Sheldon: On a cold winter's night?
Leonard: Yes.
Sheldon: Seems unlikely. Did you bring your asthma inhaler?
Leonard: Uh, uh, uh. Yes, I did!
Sheldon: Well, then, I guess it's plausible.

Sheldon: Like Enid, Oklahoma. Low crime rate and high-speed Internet connectivity, but no model train shops. Sorry, Enid.

Sheldon: No, the best organism for human beings to merge with is the lichen itself. That way, you'd be human, fungus, and algae. Triple threat. Like three-bean salad.
Leonard: Give me one circumstance in which that would be useful.
Sheldon: All right, picture this, a beautiful outdoor concert. Now, as a human, I appreciate Beethoven. As a fungus, I have a terrific view, growing out of a towering maple tree. And no thank you, expensive concessions. Because as an algae, I'll just snack on this sunlight.