Sheldon: You guys, the bathroom here is amazing. There's people cooking in it.

Leonard: Howard, what do you think?
Howard: I'm on board.
Sheldon: I'll add it right now. Oh, baby, it's addendum time!

Amy: I didn't understand your e-mail.
Sheldon: Uh, can you repeat that? You're breaking up.
Amy: I didn't understand your e-mail.
Sheldon: Ah. Yeah, I had to get a little creative because the S, R and M keys on my laptop stopped working.
Amy: Deaw Aby, could you pleathe dwive be to the twain thtow thubtibe tobowow?
Sheldon: So, is that a yes?

Amy: Will you please tell me where were going?

Sheldon: Sorry, you're on a need-to-know basis.
Amy: I'm driving the car. I need to know.
Sheldon: Right.
Amy: So where are we going?
Sheldon: No, I meant turn right, and you missed it. Maybe you do need to know.

Amy: Okay, why do you have a bin of pine cones?
Sheldon: I used to collect them as a child. The spiral of scales open in the Fibonacci sequence. A fact that, when you tell your brother, gets a golf ball thrown at your head.

Amy: Wow, it's really coming down.
Penny: This sucks.
Leonard: And there goes our hike.
Sheldon: Oh, not our hike, now we have to stay safe and warm!

Amy: I'm surprised you would do that.
Sheldon: No, I crossed in the middle of the street. And normally, I wouldn't, but I saw an aggressive-looking Girl Scout, and it was the heart of cookie season. Anyway, there was a police officer, and he witnessed the whole thing.
Penny: What, he arrested you for that?
Sheldon: No, he didn't do anything. So I said, you just saw me jaywalk, why aren't you doing your job? You know, maybe I should arrest you for impersonating a police officer.
Penny: And then you got arrested.
Sheldon: Oh, and how!

Amy: Well, I get why he's annoyed.
Sheldon: Well, then you don't understand what's happening. See, Leonard refused to participate in a mandatory quarterly roommate agreement meeting. This is what a generation raised on Bart Simpson looks like.
Leonard: You love The Simpsons.
Sheldon: I love Lisa Simpson.

Leonard: It just said Italian sub. I had no idea mortadella has pistachios in it.
Sheldon: Interesting fact, in Italian, the morta in mortadella means death.
Amy: Sheldon.
Sheldon: I didn't say fun fact. I'm not a monster.
Bernadette: He's gonna be okay.
Sheldon: Now it's a fun fact.

Sheldon: Personally, I find the notion of external rewards demeaning. I pursue science for the intrinsic joy of discovery.
Amy: But you always say that you want to win a Nobel Prize.
Sheldon: I also say don't contradict me in front of my friends, but that you don't remember.

Bernadette: I guess we could give it a try.
Sheldon: Well, little lady, you've heard of party hearty, get ready to party hardly.

Penny: Hey, are you still hanging out with Bernadette tonight?
Sheldon: Yes. And we're going to prove that we don't need alcohol to enjoy ourselves.
Penny: Oh, good for you.
Sheldon: Or caffeine, tobacco, sushi, soft cheese, processed meats and jacuzzis, which can all be harmful to an unborn baby.
Penny: No honey baked ham in a hot tub, got it.
Sheldon: Oh, no bubble baths either. They can increase the risk of a urinary tract infection.
Leonard: Okay, have fun.
Sheldon: Oh, and no swordfish, king mackerel, shark or tilefish, which are all high in mercury.
Leonard: We're leaving now!
Sheldon: Oh, and no contact with guinea pigs or hamsters or their droppings, uh, no-no cat litter boxes, no paint fumes.
Penny: Okay, we're leaving, love you, bye.
Sheldon: Boy, do I love restrictions.

Bernadette: I brought sparkling cider.
Sheldon: Oh, the bubbles tickle my nose. I'll just open this now so it can get nice and flat before we drink it.

Sheldon: H-O gauge trains are 1/87th scale. N gauge are 1/160th scale. And that brings us to Z gauge, at a - you could easily swallow it, dont ask how I know - 1 to 220.
Bernadette: I'm sorry, I have to ask.
Sheldon: When I was five, I ingested a Z gauge locomotive. I spent the next three days saying, "I think I can pass it, I think I can pass it, I think I can pass it."

Bernadette: What is it about trains that you like so much?
Sheldon: What an interesting question. When I was a child, life was confusing and chaotic for me, and trains represented order. I could line them up, categorize them, control them. I guess you could say that they gave me a sense of calm in a world that didn't.
Bernadette: That's lovely, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Well, other than when they're chugging through your bowels, these things are magic.