Bernadette: But I thought I'd be more excited.
Dr. Koothrappali: Oh, being excited isn't a guarantee of anything. Rajesh's mother was thrilled when she was pregnant with him. After he was born, she doted on his every move. And you know what happened? He broke her heart, moved halfway around the world, and dates only poor white women. So you never know.

Penny: Does the baby have a name yet?
Howard: We have named her Halley.
Penny: Oh!
Leonard: Oh, like Halley's comet.
Howard: Exactly. Also like the comet, Bernadette said she's not gonna have sex with me for another 75 years.

Sheldon: Uh, I know it's not your birthday, but if you're interested-
Amy: I am.
Sheldon: Okay. Oh, and just to be clear, I'm not being intimate with you in order to keep you from going.
Amy: I wasn't thinking that.
Sheldon: Well, no, it's just, I'm just warning you, you know, if you find yourself 3,000 miles away and craving a hit of this, you know I can't Skype it to you.
Amy: That's a risk I'm willing to take.
Sheldon: All right, then.

Sheldon: No matter where I am, this will always be my spot.

Penny: You can stay in Leonard's room, and we'll stay at my place.
Amy: You're sure that's not an inconvenience?
Penny: No, not at all.
Leonard: And we live with Sheldon, so the word "inconvenience" has really lost all meaning.

Sheldon: At our age, why don't we call it man's night?
Leonard: Because we just spent our allowance on comic books.

Amy: Comfy?
Sheldon: Oh, I'm just happy I don't know what this memory foam remembers.

Leonard: You know what? There is one thing I would like.
Sheldon: Yeah, take whatever you want.
Leonard: I would like to keep the official flag of our apartment.
Sheldon: But you don't even like flags.
Leonard: Yeah, I like this one.
Sheldon: But I designed it.
Leonard: But you made me order it because you were "too well-known" in the flag community and they'd jack up the price.
Sheldon: But you don't even understand its symbolism.
Leonard: Oh, I do. The-the field of blue represents you being miserable, and the lion sticking its tongue out means I'm happy about it.

Amy: It's kind of exciting. I mean we could do whatever we want.
Sheldon: But what if we move and we don't like it? What if there's a smoker in the building? Or pets? Or there could be mold. There could be traffic noise.
*Amy humming the theme from Star Trek*
Sheldon: I'm gonna have to learn a whole new bus route. Are you trying to soothe me by singing the Star Trek theme as a lullaby?
Amy: Yes.
Sheldon: I'm not a child, don't do that.
Amy: Sorry.
Sheldon: Do you know 2001: A Space Odyssey?
*Amy humming "Also sprach Zarathustra*
Sheldon: All right, now that's soothing.

Howard: I can't believe you made fun of me all these years while you were a closeted ventriloquist.
Bernadette: Okay, it's not like I wanted to be a ventriloquist. I was in beauty pageants and I needed a talent besides spreading rumors that the other contestants were pregnant.

Amy: Aww, I remember signing our first Relationship Agreement.
Sheldon: You seem to be forgetting the "no nostalgia" clause.

Amy: Wait, are you saying if we combine my experiment with your calculations, we can determine the precise moment in time when the wave function collapses?
Sheldon: It could be the most inspired combination since I mixed red Icee into my blue Icee. It was like drinking 2/7ths of the rainbow.
Amy: Sheldon, this is really interesting.
Sheldon: Yeah and this one won't stain my teeth purple.

Raj: I'm the son of a gynecologist. I could be helpful.
Bernadette: It would help if you stopped telling me I have a textbook cervix.
Raj: The polite response is, "Thank you for noticing."

Raj: It looks like a map from Dungeons & Dragons.
Howard: Mm. Except the creature in the crib is a level-nine poop monster.

Raj: If we're all gonna die, why am I eating so much kale?