Sheldon: How much will it hurt?
Amy: It's just a tiny skin sample. You saw me do it to myself.
Sheldon: On a scale of one to ten, where one is a pebble in your shoe and ten is the monkey you thought was your pet biting your face off.
Amy: A two.
Sheldon: Eating a whole Altoid?

Bert: Okay, well, thanks for coming by. You're nice people.
Penny: Well, so are you. In fact, you know what? We will never take you for granite. Did you get that? Granite? A little geology joke.

Howard: I can't believe you made fun of me all these years while you were a closeted ventriloquist.
Bernadette: Okay, it's not like I wanted to be a ventriloquist. I was in beauty pageants and I needed a talent besides spreading rumors that the other contestants were pregnant.

Bernadette: But I thought I'd be more excited.
Dr. Koothrappali: Oh, being excited isn't a guarantee of anything. Rajesh's mother was thrilled when she was pregnant with him. After he was born, she doted on his every move. And you know what happened? He broke her heart, moved halfway around the world, and dates only poor white women. So you never know.

Penny: Does the baby have a name yet?
Howard: We have named her Halley.
Penny: Oh!
Leonard: Oh, like Halley's comet.
Howard: Exactly. Also like the comet, Bernadette said she's not gonna have sex with me for another 75 years.

Amy: What are you looking at?
Sheldon: Comments from our Behind the Flags retrospective. Get this, people are calling it "the longest one yet".

Sheldon: No matter where I am, this will always be my spot.

Penny: You can stay in Leonard's room, and we'll stay at my place.
Amy: You're sure that's not an inconvenience?
Penny: No, not at all.
Leonard: And we live with Sheldon, so the word "inconvenience" has really lost all meaning.

Amy: Comfy?
Sheldon: Oh, I'm just happy I don't know what this memory foam remembers.

Leonard: You know what? There is one thing I would like.
Sheldon: Yeah, take whatever you want.
Leonard: I would like to keep the official flag of our apartment.
Sheldon: But you don't even like flags.
Leonard: Yeah, I like this one.
Sheldon: But I designed it.
Leonard: But you made me order it because you were "too well-known" in the flag community and they'd jack up the price.
Sheldon: But you don't even understand its symbolism.
Leonard: Oh, I do. The-the field of blue represents you being miserable, and the lion sticking its tongue out means I'm happy about it.

Amy: It's kind of exciting. I mean we could do whatever we want.
Sheldon: But what if we move and we don't like it? What if there's a smoker in the building? Or pets? Or there could be mold. There could be traffic noise.
*Amy humming the theme from Star Trek*
Sheldon: I'm gonna have to learn a whole new bus route. Are you trying to soothe me by singing the Star Trek theme as a lullaby?
Amy: Yes.
Sheldon: I'm not a child, don't do that.
Amy: Sorry.
Sheldon: Do you know 2001: A Space Odyssey?
*Amy humming "Also sprach Zarathustra*
Sheldon: All right, now that's soothing.

Amy: Why don't you ask me what I'm working on?
Sheldon: Oh, very well. What have you been working on? And feel free to honk during the boring parts.

Raj: I'm the son of a gynecologist. I could be helpful.
Bernadette: It would help if you stopped telling me I have a textbook cervix.
Raj: The polite response is, "Thank you for noticing."

Leonard: It's not that I'd stopped trying, it's just how relationships progress. They start with infatuation, but over time mellow into something more comfortable.
Sheldon: Hmm. Yeah, you're right. It's like when I first encountered the Pythagorean Theorem. You know, I was blown away that the square of the hypotenuse was the sum of the squares of the opposite sides. Yeah, but now I'm just like "eh."

Raj: If we're all gonna die, why am I eating so much kale?