Mrs. Wolowitz Howard Joel Wolowitz, I've been worried sick for two days and I know you turned off your phone. You open this door right now because I've had it up to here! I have been to the morgue and the hospital, and I spent the last half hour walking up these fakakta stairs.

Mrs. Wolowitz You're right. Who am I kidding? You should have seen me when I was young, Sheldon. The fellas used to line up and bring me boxes of candy. Why did I eat it all? Will you hold me?

Mrs. Wolowitz Should I ask Leonard to bring over your homework?
Howard: I don't have homework. I'm a grown man with a master's degree in engineering.
Mrs. Wolowitz Excuse me, Mr. Fancy Pants. Want me to get you a popsicle?

Mrs. Wolowitz Has she tried on the vest yet?
Howard: I just gave it to her.
Mrs. Wolowitz I hope it fits. She's a tricky figure. She's short and stacked, like me.

Mrs. Wolowitz Who is it?
Howard: It's Leonard.
Mrs. Wolowitz You're gonna have to play outside. I'm not dressed to receive!

Mrs. Wolowitz Oh please. You're a tall glass of brown water. Have dessert.

Mrs. Wolowitz Senior fitness was canceled. It turns out you can forget how to ride a bike. I'm fine, but, oy, did Sam Harpoolian eat gravel.
Howard: That's great, Ma!
Mrs. Wolowitz: What's great about an 80-year-old Armenian man with half his chin scraped off?

Mrs. Wolowitz: What kind of breakfast do you think they're going to give you in Russia?
Howard: They invented blintzes. I'll be fine.
Mrs. Wolowitz: They invented the lightbulb in New Jersey. It doesn't mean they hand them out to you when you go.

Howard: Hey, ma, you got to rent me a tux!
Mrs. Wolowitz: Right now? What kind of sex are you having up there?

Man's Voice: You want me to hide in the closet or go out the back?
Mrs. Wolowitz: Shh, you need to whisper.
Howard: Ma, who is in there?
Mrs. Wolowitz: Uh, nobody. The TV is on.
Man's Voice: I only got one sock. Where's my other sock?
Howard: Who is that?
Mrs. Wolowitz: I told you, it's the TV. Jay Leno lost a sock, it's hilarious.

Mrs. Wolowitz Howard, I found my girdle. It was in the dryer.
Howard: That's great, ma.
Mrs. Wolowitz I think it shrunk. I'm spilling out like the Pillsbury Doughboy here.

Mrs. Wolowitz: Howard, what's going on?! Are you boys roughhousing?!
Howard: No, we're not roughhousing! We're scientists! Scientists don't roughhouse!
Mrs. Wolowitz: Excuse me, Mr. Grown-up!

Stuart: What are you talking about? There's nothing weird going on between me and your mother.
Mrs. Wolowitz (o.s.): Stewie, your bath is getting cold!

Mary Cooper: Lord, thank You. Even though You can do anything, that was mighty impressive.

Mrs. Wolowitz Howard, what are you doing in there?
Howard: I'm taking a bath.
Mrs. Wolowitz I hope that's all you're doing. We share that tub!