Bernadette: Raj, why don't I care about anything?
Raj: I'm sorry?
Bernadette: It's my baby. I should care about nurseries and colors, and I don't. What's wrong with me?
Raj: Well, crime-scene photos near your crib spring to mind.

Stuart: I don't want to be an inconvenience. You've got all your lady friends -
Raj: Actually, I'm single now.
Stuart: What?! When did that happen?
Raj: It's okay. It's by choice. Well, their choice, and it's not okay.

Stuart: So you're back out on the dating scene now?
Raj: Yeah, yeah, a little.
Stuart: Oh, that must be fun. How's that going?
Raj: I'm in a hot tub with you, so pretty bad.

Bernadette: Hey, where you been?
Howard: Oh, we went and did a little shopping for the baby.
Raj: Wait till you see the crib we found.
Bernadette: You bought a crib without me?
Howard: You're gonna love it.
Raj: Yeah. It's the highest rated one on the market. I wouldn't even call it a crib. I'd call it a Fortress of Solitude for babies.

Leonard: Did you know Raj moved out last night?
Penny: What? Why?
Leonard: "Leonard and Penny, I'm sorry for all the trouble I've caused. I went to stay at Howard's. P.S. Cinnamon's with me, but if you feel like messing with Sheldon, tell him she's loose in the building."

Raj: Well, I haven't met her yet, but her name is Anu. My father says she comes from a good family. She's in her 30s. She works in hospitality management. So, as long as I can get through six to ten dates without revealing my true self this is happening.

Bernadette: You bought a minivan?!
Howard: It's for the baby, and I didn't buy it. The dealer loaned it to me for a 24-hour test drive.
Raj: Though we did ding up the back pretty good with the crib, so you might have bought a minivan.

Leonard: I've always been jealous of how much money Raj's family has.
Raj: Thank you for saying that. Next to buying things, that is the best part about having money.

Raj: Oh, I know, why don't we get started on clearing out the baby's room?
Bernadette: Isn't it a little early for that?
Raj: You have to get to it eventually.
Bernadette: Oh, there's so much junk in there, it's embarrassing.
Raj: How can you be embarrassed around me? I'm gonna be in the room with you when you give birth.
Bernadette: I don't think you are.
Raj: You didn't think I was gonna be in your kitchen this morning, yet here I am.

Howard: Okay, last question. The chaps he was wearing assless?
Sheldon: Can we just focus on the decision I'm facing?
Raj: We can, but for the record, all chaps are assless.

Penny: Okay, how is that?
Raj: I can actually feel the toxins being pulled out of my skin.
Penny: Well, this is a moisturizing mask.
Raj: Oh, well, then I can actually feel the moisture going into my skin.

Amy: Did you say you guys are working on the guidance system tomorrow?
Leonard: Yeah, why?
Amy: Well, Sheldon said that he was gonna work with me on our quantum perception project.
Leonard: We've had this planned for a week.
Amy: Well, he reconfirmed with me this morning.
Raj: Guys, before this gets ugly, remember, the winner gets Sheldon.

Raj: Little parenting tip: sleeping babies hate flash photography.

Anu: I think I'm nice. Are you nice?
Raj: Oh, I'm definitely nice. Every time a girl breaks up with me she always starts with, "You're a nice guy."

Sheldon: Shall we?
Raj: Oh, my God. It's light, it's flaky, it's buttery. You don't need to have sex with him, just eat one of these.