Stuart Bloom Quotes Page 14 of 15

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Quote from the episode The Wedding Gift Wormhole

Stuart: I was worried about the date so I got my hair colored to make me feel a little more confident, but that just made me look paler, so I-I got a spray tan.
Bernadette: Have you tried showering, seeing if you could scrub it off?
Stuart: I did. You're gonna need some new towels. And a bathmat. And a toilet seat.

Quote from the episode The Geology Methodology

Stuart: So, you and Ruchi?
Raj: Yeah, I'm sorry. I know you liked her, too, but we just bumped into each other last night and hit it off.
Stuart: No, that's fine. You're my friend and I'm happy for you.
Raj: Oh, thank you, Stuart.
Stuart: Plus, I don't know how you're gonna screw it up, but I know you will.
Raj: What's there to screw up? She just wants to keep things casual.
Stuart: Oh, great, that's how you're gonna screw it up.
Raj: Hey, I can be casual.
Stuart: Mm-hmm. I should get a haircut. This thing's going south fast.

Quote from the episode The Hot Tub Contamination

Raj: So how's your apartment?
Stuart: Not great. The electricity's out.
Raj: So why don't you get it fixed?
Stuart: I called, and they're like, "Pay your bill!"

Quote from the episode The Santa Simulation

Sheldon: I open the chest.
Leonard: It's locked, but suddenly the door behind you slams shut and now the walls of the room start closing in.
Stuart: That's not good. My character and I both have claustrophobia.

Quote from the episode The Comic-Con Conundrum

Raj: As much as I appreciate this, I can't accept it. Okay? Halley's my goddaughter, I don't take care of her for money.
Stuart: I would.

Quote from the episode The Hot Tub Contamination

Raj: I wonder if this is what it feels like to be Bernadette's baby.
Stuart: I don't know. Bernadette's baby doesn't have a Jacuzzi jet hitting just the right spot.

Quote from the episode The Recollection Dissipation

Howard: Look, something's going on with Bernadette. She say anything to you?
Stuart: Well, nope, not a word.
Howard: Come on, be honest. Did you tell her I tried her breast pump?
Stuart: No, but I did mention it to my therapist.

Quote from the episode The Tenant Disassociation

Howard: Do you know who she is?
Stuart: Oh, sure, yeah. That's Cynthia.
Raj: Wha s-so, she's a customer?
Stuart: Yeah, yeah, but I-I haven't seen her in a while. And before you say anything, there is a lot of reasons women stop coming here. It's not just me.

Quote from the episode The Long Distance Dissonance

Raj: Actually, I was going to suggest me.
Howard: Great. Anybody's better than, (glancing at Stuart) mmm.
Stuart: Excuse me. They took out my spleen and gallbladder, not my feelings.

Quote from the episode The Tenant Disassociation

Stuart: A little tip. Uh, stick with the smiles you know.

Quote from the episode The Matrimonial Momentum

Amy: I just hope I did the right thing.
Stuart: I'm sure you did. Maybe that's the problem, you always do the right thing. Maybe it's time to do the wrong thing?
Amy: Like you're doing right now?
Stuart: Exactly.

Quote from the episode The Matrimonial Momentum

Bernadette: What happened? They just got married.
Howard: I don't know. It's a mess. They had a huge fight in Vegas.
Bernadette: You think they'll break up?
Howard: I don't know. Sounds pretty bad. Penny's back in her apartment all by herself.
Stuart: Really?

Quote from the episode The Relaxation Integration

Raj: Oh, you were born in Trivandrum? Have you ever been to the Kuthira Malika Palace?
Ruchi: No, I haven't.
Raj: Me, either. What a small world.
Stuart: I've also never been there. I've never been lots of places. Go on, quiz me.

Quote from the episode The Escape Hatch Identification

Raj: Don't you even feel a little bad sponging off your friends?
Stuart: Hey, look, I went to art college, I tried to make it as a graphic artist, a comic book artist, and you know what I got for my efforts? A visible rib cage. I'm not kidding. You can see my heart beating.

Quote from the episode The Matrimonial Metric

Sheldon: Hello, Stuart.
Stuart: Oh, hey, Sheldon. Can I interest you in a cappuccino?
Sheldon: When did you start selling those?
Stuart: Oh, someone left it here, but it's still warm. Say four bucks?

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