Leonard: No. He can't afford his apartment, and he's asking if anyone knows of a cheap place to live. I want to say "India," but it seems mean.

Sheldon: I know our apartment's small, but I think we can make room.
Amy: No, Sheldon. We are not getting a life-size Spider-Man statue.

Howard: You know what, I'm not gonna go either. I'm a father now. I'd rather spend time with my family.
Bernadette: You just don't want to go alone with Sheldon.
Howard: (rushing out of the room) I'm gonna go check on dinner.

Amy: Sounds like everyone's staying home. What do you say?
Sheldon: Nuts to that, I'm going to Comic-Con!
Amy: By yourself?
Sheldon: Not necessarily. I have four months to find some new friends.
Stuart: I'll go with you.
Sheldon: That's very kind of you, Stuart. Check back in with me in July.

Sheldon: There's my pretty girlfriend.
Amy: I'm not going with you to Comic-Con.
Sheldon: What? Can't a man just be happy to see his woman and pat her on her second most erogenous ball-and-socket joint?
Amy: He can, but it's still not changing my mind.
Sheldon: Well, maybe what's in my pants will change your mind. It's a list of this year's panelists. It's long, isn't it?

Bernadette: Keep it. Consider it a gift.
Sheldon: Hold on. Is it back pay or is it a gift?
Bernadette: What's the difference?
Sheldon: When the IRS questions us in separate rooms, we need to have our stories straight.

Penny: (To Raj) Hey, if you're still looking to make money, I will pay you to burn that jacket.

Leonard: You know what? I've gone 12 times. Maybe I'll sit out this year, too.
Penny: Really?
Leonard: Yeah. Maybe you and I can do something fun that weekend.
Penny: Ooh, how about white-water rafting?
Leonard: Oh, how about we compromise and go on the Small World ride at Disneyland?

Howard: This is for you.
Raj: What's this?
Bernadette: It's back pay for all the babysitting and taking care of Halley you've done.
Howard: There's more than enough in there to cover Comic-Con.
Stuart: Um, I also take care of Halley.
Bernadette: And you live here for free.
Stuart: I do, ma'am, thank you, ma'am.

Raj: As much as I appreciate this, I can't accept it. Okay? Halley's my goddaughter, I don't take care of her for money.
Stuart: I would.

Howard: There's got to be other ways you can make a quick buck.
Raj: Yeah, you'd think. (Bernadette enters with shopping) Ooh, maybe I could sell my blood and sperm.
Bernadette: I really should wear a bell around my neck so you guys can hear me coming.

Bernadette: He's such a sweetie.
Howard: I know, I wish there was some way we could help him.
Bernadette: If he could find a girl with a good job, all his problems would be over.
Howard: (scrubbing the inside of the oven) Yeah, that's working out great for me.

Amy: Penny says they're ready to go. Very well.
Sheldon: Prepare for a long night of deceit.
Amy: Sheldon, women can wear makeup, it's not lying.
Sheldon: I was talking about Leonard. And if makeup is so truthful, why is it called "concealer"?

Leonard: Okay, hold on, so if you don't want to go and I don't need to bring you, is everything good?
Penny: Hold on, I'm trying to decide if I'm mad at you. No, I'm happy I don't have to go.
Leonard: All right, problem solved.

Sheldon: I can't wait to tell them.
Amy: No, you're not gonna tell them anything. You're gonna stay out of it.
Sheldon: Why?
Amy: Because it's between them.
Sheldon: Well, if you haven't noticed, I've been between them for the last ten years.