Penny: Seriously, none of you liked it?
Bernadette: I thought it was brave. Does that count as liking it?
Penny: You know, how come nobody's talking about Howard's dopey haircut?
Bernadette: I think he looks cute.
Howard: And I think you're cute.
Raj: I think you're both cute.
Penny: I think I hate all of you nerds.

Sheldon: Sorry I'm moving slowly.
Leonard: Oh, I don't mind. If you pull a butterscotch out of your pocket, it would be like I'm walking with my grandma.

Sheldon: A plaque? Nobody wants to see this.
Leonard: Well, change "plaque" to "mixed-race couple" and you are my grandma.

Sheldon: Bert, we need to talk.
Bert: What happened to you?
Sheldon: Rock, rock, water fountain.

Sheldon: I am not proud of this. But I have been envious of your recent success.
Bert: Wow, I won the MacArthur Grant, everyone's jealous of me. Once I get LASIK, I'll be out of things to wish for.

Amy: I can't believe you head-butted a water fountain.
Sheldon: No, I went to punch the water fountain, slipped in water in front of the water fountain, and hit my head on the water fountain.

Bernadette: (To Sheldon) I can't imagine you being violent.
Leonard: It's not hard. Just picture the Three Stooges, and then take away two stooges.

Sheldon: I'm so disappointed in myself. Jealousy is completely illogical.
Raj: It's a human emotion, Sheldon. Everyone gets jealous. I'm jealous of Leonard and Penny and Howard and Bernadette for being in such happy relationships.
Amy: What about me and Sheldon?
Raj: Sure.

Leonard: I've always been jealous of how much money Raj's family has.
Raj: Thank you for saying that. Next to buying things, that is the best part about having money.

Amy: Ever since I met Penny, I've been envious of her looks.
Penny: Aw, thank you.
Amy: That's why I was so happy when you cut your hair off.
Penny: What?!
Amy: You know what I mean. You were still hot, but more like a "why'd that hot girl cut off all her hair?" hot.
Penny: You liked my short hair, right?
Leonard: (unconvincingly) Yeah I loved it. Love you, love the hair, would love to change the subject.

Sheldon: Bert? I wanted to let you know that I read your research, and your award is well-deserved.
Bert: Thanks. I've been hearing that a lot. Ever since I won, people think I'm great.
Sheldon: Well, just this once, you can count me as people, too.

Bert: You know, as a MacArthur Grant winner, I'm allowed to nominate someone for next year.
Sheldon: Really? I didn't know that.
Bert: So I was thinking, you know, engineers don't get a lot of respect. Is your friend Howard working on anything cool?
Sheldon: You know, I'm not sure. You know, you'd have to ask him. Excuse me.
*Sheldon walks into the hallway and hurts himself again*

Sheldon: (off-screen) Leonard! I hurt myself again.
Leonard: Excuse me, I have to go take some pictures.

Howard: Do you think this is in poor taste?
Leonard: Does it spin around and do tricks?
Howard: Yeah!
Leonard: Then yeah.

Howard: What do you think?
Barry Kripke: That ... is ... hilarious! Give me the remote control. I want to drive him into the girls' restroom.
Howard: All right, we're done. It's offensive.