Sheldon: I hope you're happy making me read this. Bert's work is remarkable. And I'm more upset than ever. This is worse than when I had to admit that Cedric the Entertainer's actually entertaining.

Amy: Sheldon, it's foolish to be angry that Bert's work has merit.
Sheldon: Yeah, well I am angry! And you telling me not to be angry makes me angry! And do you know how hearing myself say the word angry over and over makes me feel?
Penny: (raises her hand) Ooh, angry?
Leonard: What are you doing?
Penny: I knew the answer. I got excited.

Leonard: Hey, buddy, why don't we go for a walk, so you can calm down.
Sheldon: That's a good idea. I guess everyone's having them now.
Leonard: Hey, I'm trying to help you.
Sheldon: Fine. You can walk ahead of me and scare off the pigeons.
Leonard: (To the girls) You just wave your arms a little and they fly away, it's not--

Howard: Okay, Raj, I'm gonna show you something. Now, one of us thinks it's offensive. The other thinks it's hilarious and a great idea. But, I'm not going to tell you who likes it.
(Howard demonstrates Remote Control Stephen Hawking)
Raj: This is tough. But I'm going to say it's the guy who shows me YouTube videos of people getting hit in the nuts.

Raj: What's this button do?
Remote Control Stephen Hawking: Gentlemen, start your wheelchairs.
*Raj stares disapprovingly at Howard*
Howard: You laughed when that guy got hit in the nuts.
Raj: I laughed because the guy was Leonard.

Leonard: You know, I do understand what you're feeling. My brother and sister's accomplishments have always been held over my head.
Sheldon: How did you deal with it?
Leonard: I wet the bed until college, but I don't think that's a quality fix.

Sheldon: Leonard, I'm having a primal urge to throw this rock.
Leonard: Do it. Visualize it as your anger and toss it out of your life.
Sheldon: Perhaps I will. This rock encapsulates all my negative emotions. I will cast you far away. Feel free to take out a pigeon while you're at it.
Leonard: Let it fly.

Amy: What happened?
Sheldon: I tried to let go of anger and threw a rock into my foot!
Leonard: Then he got more angry and kicked the rock with his other foot.
Penny: Wha--? And what happened to you?
Leonard: Oh, I laughed so hard, I burst a blood vessel in my nose.

Amy: You know, it's one thing to be envious, but now you're injuring yourself. It has to stop.
Leonard: Although if you are gonna do it again, please let me know, so I can get it on video.

Amy: You know, Sheldon, instead of fixating on what Bert has, you should appreciate all of the good things in your life. You've got love, you're in good health, you've got a roof over your head.
Sheldon: Yeah, but you've got all those things, and no one's lining up to be you.
Amy: Anybody else want to try? I'm gonna go make some more tea and question my life choices.

Penny: This is getting old fast, Dolores, knock it off!
Sheldon: Uh, do you really think calling me names is helpful?
Penny: I do! Your life is fine, you big baby!
Sheldon: Maybe you're right.
Amy: Really?!
Leonard: If it helps, I'm questioning your life choices, too.

Sheldon: You know, I just need to keep reminding myself that Bert's success is not my failure.
Penny: (enthusiastically) There you go.
Sheldon: And that men of his large stature are more susceptible to a wide array of life-threatening diseases.
Penny: (unenthusiastically) There you go.

Amy: What's up?
Howard: I'm conducting a quick survey. Do you think this respectful and loving tribute to a great man is in poor taste? (Howard rolls out Remote Control Stephen Hawking)
Amy: Yep.

Howard: Do you think this is in poor taste?
Leonard: Does it spin around and do tricks?
Howard: Yeah!
Leonard: Then yeah.

Howard: What do you think?
Barry Kripke: That ... is ... hilarious! Give me the remote control. I want to drive him into the girls' restroom.
Howard: All right, we're done. It's offensive.