Sheldon: Who leaves their bike in the hallway? You know, if I knew how to ride one, I'd steal it.

Amy: You know, Sheldon, maybe if you take the time to actually read Bert's research, you'd be less bitter about him winning.
Sheldon: You want me to read a geology paper?
Amy: Honestly, I just want you to be quiet, but I'm all out of taffy.

Howard: I've worked with Hawking. He's got a great sense of humor. And I think he'd like it.
Bernadette: Okay, call him and show him. I dare you.
Howard: I have no problem calling him.
Bernadette: Fine, then do it.
Howard: Fine, I will.
Bernadette: While you're bothering the world's most famous scientist, be sure to show him how funny he looks getting stuck under our dishwasher.

Sheldon: I can't believe I was surpassed by a geologist. I mean rocks! He studies rocks! If rock is so great, how come paper beats it?

Sheldon: I admire you, Leonard.
Leonard: Really, why?
Sheldon: You're happy with who you are. You don't get jealous of other people. Instead of being weighed down by ambition, you just float along like a dead body in a river.
Leonard: I couldn't just take the compliment. I had to ask why.

Raj: Well, I'm glad to see you moving forward.
Sheldon: Bert did quality research. And he deserves whatever accolades he receives.
Howard: What is going on? (To Leonard) Did you upgrade his software last night?
Leonard: I think he might be learning on his own.
Raj: Then the robot uprising has begun.

Sheldon: Hey, it's not even called the "Genius Grant," it's the MacArthur Fellowship. Just like it's not Frankenstein, it's "Frankenstein's Monster." Which brings us back to that hulking simpleton over there. And if anyone's a genius, it's me for the way I brought that full circle.

Leonard: How much money did he win?
Raj: Over half a million dollars.
Leonard: Wow.
Howard: And he doesn't have to use it for research, he can do whatever he wants with it.
Sheldon: Oh, good, maybe he can build a nicer bridge to live under.

Howard: Here he comes.
Leonard: Right. Be polite.
Sheldon: I know how to behave.
Howard: Do you?

Raj: Hey, congratulations Bert!
Leonard: Yeah, good for you.
Howard: That's amazing.
Bert: Thanks. I was as surprised as anybody. When they called and told me I won, I didn't believe them.
And then they said, "No, you really won." And then I said, "Cool."
Sheldon: Someone call George R. R. Martin, this guy knows how to finish a story.
Bert: I've gotten pretty good at telling it. Well, see ya.
Sheldon: Some genius. I zinged him with sarcasm, he didn't even notice.
Leonard: I know, and it was the greatest sarcastic quip I've ever heard.
Sheldon: Well, aren't you a peach.

Leonard: Ignore him, he's just cranky because Bert from the geology lab won a big grant.
Penny: Oh, I heard him interviewed on the radio! You know, when they told him he won, he didn't believe it, but then he did believe it. It was so funny.
Sheldon: Who listens to the radio any more?

Howard: You busy? There's somebody out here who wants to meet you.
Bernadette: Who is it?
Howard: Say hello to everybody's little friend, remote control Stephen Hawking!
Bernadette: Where did you get that?
Howard: I found him in an old box.
Bernadette: Why would you buy it?
Howard: I didn't buy it. I made it.
Bernadette: Last question. What is wrong with you?

Bernadette: Howie, it's in poor taste.
Howard: No, it's not. Check it out. He says fun stuff.
Remote Control Stephen Hawking: Hey good lookin', want to go for a spin? (Howard spins the toy around)
Howard: His eyes also light up in the dark.

Leonard: It's always fun watching him read someone else's work.
*Sheldon grimaces as he's reading Bert's paper*
Penny: It's like scrolling through the emojis on my phone.

Sheldon: Ye -- why? (turning the page) Eh, why?! (turning the page) Oh, that's why.
Amy: Sounds like the night we had coitus.