Penny: I can't believe you fit in the crib.
Bernadette: I could take a bath in the sink. I don't, but I can.

Leonard: Hey, do you remember when we went wine tasting in Santa Barbara and you said that was the best rose you'd ever had?
Penny: Yeah, I remember us driving up there, going to the winery and that's it.
Leonard: And this wine is why.

Leonard: Well, now be careful, these are hot. I could explain the thermodynamics of why the cheese seems hotter than the crust, but instead, I'm gonna keep it to myself.
Penny: Oh. You always know what not to say.

Leonard: If you must know, Penny won a spa weekend from work and she's taking me.
Sheldon: Oh, well you know, that is interesting. I wonder what kind of infection you'll come home with. My money's on fungal.

Amy: Penny, is it weird that we're having girls' night here, but you don't live here anymore, so it's basically my girls' night?
Penny: I hadn't really thought about it.
Amy: But now you're thinking about it and it bothers you? I get that.

Penny: Just, it's like since we got married, he doesn't really try anymore.
Amy: Uh, Penny? I don't know how to say this, but this is my first girls' night and you're kind of bumming everybody out.

Leonard: Where is this coming from?
Sheldon: Leonard, she might be drunk. All she had was chips.

Sheldon: Well, what can we do to cheer you up?
Leonard: I really don't know.
Sheldon: You want to play Jenga? Or, uh, Ticket to Ride? Hearthstone? What would you be the happiest losing at?

Sheldon: Would you like to play a driving game I invented?
Leonard: Is it about the failing state of my relationship with Penny?
Sheldon: Never mind.

Sheldon: You know, Penny went to this spa to be away from you. Are you sure you should be going there?
Leonard: I don't want to wait two days for us to work this out.
Sheldon: Very well. You got married spur of the moment. I don't see why your divorce should be any different.

Howard: Watch. It's easy, once you get the hang of it. Step. Step. Hop onto ottoman.
Raj: Don't do that in socks, I almost broke my neck.

Howard: Then simply sit, spin, stand, stretch. Maybe in looser pants. Then step, grab, tiny pivot, pull, and you're there. (sighs) Easy, peasy, mac and (exhales) ... you get the idea.

Sheldon: Oh! Good, you're here. Are you still fighting? If you get divorced, do I get two Christmases?

Penny: You know, how is this any different from you making me live with Sheldon?
Sheldon: Hey! I shared my Honey Nut Cheerios with you.
Penny: You gave me a bill at the end of every month.

Amy: Sheldon, what did you do?
Sheldon: We were discussing Raj's recent breakup and apparently, I was insensitive to him.
Raj: It's okay, I'm fine.
Sheldon: You d- Don't fall for it. He'll get you to compare him to a dead virgin, and suddenly you're the bad guy.