Penny: I can't believe you have to fill out a preschool application for an infant.
Raj: Uh, the one at Caltech has a crazy wait list. I warned you, a lot of people apply when they're still pregnant.
Bernadette: Well, I didn't. I also skipped a birthing class to see Zootopia, so back off.

Penny: Seriously, let's plan a night, you know, give you a break. We could go dancing.
Bernadette: That sounds really nice.
Amy: Oh. All this week, the Early Music Society of Pasadena is doing a joint concert with the San Gabriel Renaissance Choir.
Penny: Okay, that's the one to beat.
Amy: Good luck. People have been saying that for 600 years.

Sheldon: On the first day, I get to drive a steam engine. Oh, and the second day, a diesel engine. Oh, and if I volunteer to do track maintenance and paperwork, they'll let me stay as long as I want. So you might want to pack enough clothes for the rest of our lives.
Amy: Can I pee now?

Colonel Williams: Just wanted to see how the guidance system's coming along.
Howard: Great. We found a cooling solution that allowed us to get the size of the prototype down to the target specs.
Leonard: As a cooling solution, it's pretty cool.
Colonel Williams: Don't do that.

Leonard: Sir, uh, if I may, uh, we've put a lot of thought and effort into this current prototype. It's a really elegant solution, and most importantly, it works.
Colonel Williams: Yeah, I want this.
Howard: But that's just a theory. It's not even a complete thought.
Colonel Williams: You both make excellent points. And thank you for presenting it so articulately. Make this.

Raj: Like I said, you ladies have fun.
Bernadette: We will. Got my dancing shoes, got my breast pump. Let's party.
Penny: You know, if you pump at the bar, I promise we'll get free drinks.

Bernadette: Call if there's any problems.
Penny: No. She's busy. You call Howard.
Raj: Got it.
Bernadette: Call me. Don't call Howard.
Raj: I would never call Howard.

Howard: I can't believe we have to ask Sheldon to come back and help us.
Leonard: Oh, boo-hoo. I spent four grand on a gift that only got rid of him for an afternoon.

Sheldon: Well, I would love to help you, but since I discovered the satisfaction of working with my hands on a train engine, I don't think I can go back to theory. I'm an engineer now. And, hey, just to be clear, a train engineer. Not that goofy kind you are.

Leonard: Sheldon, you can still go on the trip in a few weeks. Just help us out.
Sheldon: Sorry. I need to work on this engine so when I get to the train yard I won't look foolish.
Howard: (laughs) He's worried about looking foolish. That's a heapin' helping of irony right there.

Leonard: Okay. This is everything he had on the board. I'm sure we can figure the rest out.
Howard: All right. (clears throat) Hmm. Feel free to jump in. "Hmm" is all I got.

Leonard: We can get this. Is there any chance it's upside-down?
Howard: Maybe we can find another theoretical physicist to help us.
Leonard: It's classified. If we tell anyone, we'd get in trouble.
Howard: Hey, I came up with that and "hmm." You haven't pitched anything.

Raj: Nothing to worry about. She's just been crying for a little while, and I was wondering if you had any tricks to get her to sleep.
Stuart: She was sleeping just fine till you took a selfie with her!
Raj: She was blowing a spit bubble. It was adorable!

Bernadette: You think that stuff is fun? Being a parent is terrifying. I'm constantly worried, I'm always tired, and in a few minutes, I'm gonna milk myself in a bookstore parking lot.

Penny: It's just, Leonard and I have been married for two years, and we're no further along than when we were dating.
Amy: Come on. You've got so much to feel good about. You've got a great job now.
Penny: Yeah, I guess I am making decent money.
Amy: You make more than I do.
Bernadette: You may not have a house yet, but your apartment's great.
Amy: It's bigger than mine.
Bernadette: And Leonard loves you so much, he married you twice.
Amy: I'm not even engaged once. I don't even know if Sheldon thinks about marriage. I'm not getting any younger. Honestly, I kind of thought by now, we might have had some sort of-
Bernadette: Careful. The sound of crying can make me lactate.
Amy: I'm sorry. I can't help it. (crying)
Penny: Oh, that's gonna make me cry. (crying)
Bernadette: And there they go.
Penny: Ew.