Howard: Oh, she still works there? Who was it?
Bernadette: Why does it matter?
Howard: You're right, it doesn't matter 'cause I got the best one. Was it Susan?
Bernadette: Why? Because she's tall?
Howard: Good night.

Bernadette: When we first met, there was another waitress at The Cheesecake Factory who thought you were cute, so I told her you had all the hepatitises, A through Z.
Howard: There aren't 26 hepatitises.
Bernadette: Well, if she was smart enough to know that, she wouldn't still be working at a Cheesecake Factory.

Howard: Quick question: Does it happen to do with online tastes that might or might not reflect their real-life tastes?
Bernadette: I know all about your tall girl website. It goes on our credit card.

Sheldon: Ugh, why is this decision so hard?
Raj: Maybe because you want to win, but deep down you know it's not the honorable way to do it. Otherwise, you would've done it already.
Amy: That's really wise.
Sheldon: Yes, but it may just be the Indian accent.

Leonard: No, no, I agree with Bernadette. If Pemberton cheated, maybe he shouldn't have a career in the first place. There's plenty of people that didn't plagiarize.
Penny: And a few of us who did, but it's only 'cause The Scarlet Letter was so boring.
Leonard: Aw, I love The Scarlet Letter. That's where I got my taste for bad girls.

Sheldon: So I was talking to my mom about our Pemberton and Campbell situation.
Amy: Really? What'd she say?
Sheldon: Apparently, Old Testament God would bring down his wrath on them for being deceitful, but New Testament God would forgive them.
Amy: So couldn't we just bring down our wrath and ask the New Testament God to forgive us?
Sheldon: You know, I asked her that very question.
Amy: And?
Sheldon: She said I was full of California sass.

Amy: Do you think by not exposing Pemberton we're doing the right thing?
Sheldon: Of course. Unless you think we're not doing the right thing.
Amy: Why would you think that I don't think we're doing the right thing?
Sheldon: You might think that if good people hold themselves to unrealistically high ethical standards, then they might lose out to their unscrupulous competitors.
Amy: Is that what you think?
Sheldon: No. No, I just thought if you thought we weren't doing the right thing, that's why you might think that.
Amy: Well, if I did think that, you might point out that people who claim it's okay to do bad things to win are bad people no matter what they tell themselves.
Sheldon: And I'd be right to point that out.
Amy: Because you're a good person.
Sheldon: I love talking to you. It's like talking to me, but with a girl voice.

Amy: If we have damaging and embarrassing information about someone, should we keep it to ourselves or expose them?
[Everyone freezes and looks nervously at Amy]

Bernadette: I don't know. If someone's a cheater, they should be held accountable no matter how long ago it was.
Penny: Okay, now you just sound crazy.

Barry Kripke: Greg Pemberton, you old so-and-so.
Dr. Pemberton: Very good to see you. Uh, let me introduce you to my colleague, Dr. Campbell. Uh, Kevin, this is Barry Kripke. We went to college together.
Dr. Campbell: Great to meet you.
Barry Kripke: Well, you have my number. We should hit up the buffet at the strip club while you're in town. Nothing beats a lap dance and a baked potato bar, huh?

Sheldon: No, no, no, no. Your money's no good here. [Sheldon takes the bill from Dr. Campbell and hands it to President Siebert]

Barry Kripke: You can come, too.
President Siebert: That's a hard pass.

Dr. Pemberton: Well, I'm glad that we hashed all that out, and moving forward, may the best team win.
Sheldon: I couldn't agree more. [quietly to Amy] We're the best team.

Barry Kripke: Oh God, I hate that guy.
Sheldon: That's strange; you seem quite fond of him.
Barry Kripke: I was only being polite. Pemberton is a grade A weasel.
Sheldon: How do I know you're not just being polite when you say it's nice to see me?
Barry Kripke: I have literally never said that to you.

Amy: I don't know, Barry. It sounds a little sleazy.
Barry Kripke: Well, let me know if you change your mind. Sleazy is where I thrive.