Penny: Sweetie, you have got to stand up for yourself. You know, maybe Sheldon's right. Maybe you are that word he said.
Leonard: Satisficer?
Penny: Yeah, that! That's the one. Boy, sounds way more made-up when you say it.

Howard: I'm not gonna audition.
Bernadette: Hey, I didn't raise a quitter.
Howard: You didn't raise me at all.

Bernadette: No, with them in his room, doing stuff.
Howard: Oh, come on, we're sitting right out here. They're not gonna do anything.
["Smooth Operator" starts playing loudly in Stuart's room]
I'd like to change my answer.

Penny: What are those?
Leonard: Oh, vitamins. Zack wants me to take them to increase my virility.
Penny: Zack used the word "virility"?
Leonard: He may have said "wiener power."

Penny: Okay, that's my dad. Now, remember, do not bring up any baby stuff, all right? Not me not wanting one, not you having one with Zack.
Leonard: Got it.
Penny: And if he brings it up, change the subject to literally anything else.
Leonard: I got it.
Penny: But not the Cornhuskers. Do not discuss the Cornhuskers.
Leonard: Is that a sports team?
Penny: Never mind, you're good.

Penny: Wow, you really are good at this.
Leonard: Well, I've spent a lot of time painting D&D miniatures. I know that makes you want to rip my shirt off, but wait until your nails are dry.

Amy: I guess we could bury it in the park.
Sheldon: Yeah, where dogs do their business and other dogs sniff that business? I don't think so.

Leonard: Look, t-this might seem strange, but, uh, we thought it might help you get some closure if you had a chance to properly say good-bye to your paper.
Penny: Yeah, you know, we could say a few words, you could talk about what it meant to you and-and we could bury it somewhere.
Amy: You mean have a funeral for our theory?
Leonard: Yeah.
Sheldon: That's ridiculous.
Leonard: I thought so, too, but my mom thought it might work.
Sheldon: [perking up] Beverly thought it would help? We should try it.
Leonard: Wha-- How come when you thought it was my idea-
Sheldon: Leonard, please, this is not about you.

Raj: This is nice. All my friends hanging out, watching Ellen. It's like, what am I gonna do with my other two wishes?

Amy: Do I want to ask?
Leonard: Oh, when I go upstairs, Penny's gonna make me choose what we're gonna do tonight without taking her feelings into consideration, and I-I don't know if I'm up for it.
Amy: Poor baby. When I go upstairs, Sheldon's gonna give me a 25-minute lecture about what Hulk would be like if he were made of metal. Part of his ongoing series, "What If Hulk Were Made of Other Things?"

Wyatt: You two might want to talk louder or quieter.
Penny: In high school, he could hear me open a can of beer in my closet under a blanket.

Leonard: It's just Penny hit me with some pretty big news and it's a lot to process.
Sheldon: And you'd like to do that quietly. I respect that.
Leonard: She said she doesn't want to have kids.
Sheldon: Maybe she didn't mean it, like when you said you didn't want to talk about this.
Leonard: Forget it.
Sheldon: Do you want to have children?
Leonard: Well, I always assumed we would and now I find out, you know, I might be the last of the Hofstadter line.
Sheldon: Doesn't your brother have children? And your sister. She kept the Hofstadter name and has five healthy boys: Neil, Jeffrey, Scott, William and baby Richard.
Leonard: I'm going back to being quiet.
Sheldon: Sweet.

Sheldon: This is a nightmare.
Penny: What's with him?
Leonard: He won a Nobel Prize, and his wife looks amazing.
Penny: Oh. Yeah, got it.

Penny: Is everything okay?
Leonard: No, I found a paper that proves their theory wrong. They thought this was gonna be their Nobel Prize. It's gonna break his heart.
Penny: Oh, man. Maybe leave an anonymous note, you know, like in high school, when you want to let your best friend know that her boyfriend's cheating on her.
Leonard: Why wouldn't you just tell her that?
Penny: I don't know. Maybe you had a hickey.
Leonard: Isn't it better to get bad news from a friend?
Penny: Trust me, it's not. I went to prom with a hickey and a black eye.

Bernadette: You don't have to be snarky.
Denise: Hey, do you want to play the game, or do you want to crawl back up your mommy's shirt and chow down like a baby?
Bernadette: Damn, what is wrong with you?
Denise: I'm sorry, I thought you wanted to beat your husband.
Bernadette: I do.
Denise: Well, then suck it up!