Leonard: I didn't think you were coming.
Sheldon: Um, I changed my mind. I thought it'd be fun to spend some time with your children. Where are the little scamps?
Howard: "Scamps"?
Sheldon: I'm sorry. Tykes. Rug rats. What is the PC term these days?

Howard: Bernadette thinks I have poor parenting skills.
Leonard: Maybe she's basing that on your poor husbanding skills.
Howard: Who can say? I'm bad at a lot of things.

Howard: They're still asleep. Apparently, when I put someone down for a nap, they sleep hard.
Raj: That's a weird brag, Howard.

Bernadette: I don't know what it is about that guy, but he just gets on my nerves.
Penny: Well, you scared the bad man away. Who's a good girl?

Penny: Okay. Let's everyone calm down. If you can't find a pill for that here, then you're not trying hard enough.

Bernadette: Oh, don't waste your time. His name is Danny. He works for one of the other drug companies.
Danny: Hey, nothing wrong with checking out the competition.
Bernadette: Aw, we don't see you as competition.
Danny: You should. Our anti-inflammatory is hitting the market this year, too.
Penny: Well, ours has zero drug interaction risk.
Danny: Yeah. So does an Altoid.
Bernadette: Speaking of Altoids, why don't you go get one?

Bernadette: See? You're doing great.
Penny: Yeah. Mediocre actress, great drug pusher. Who knew?

Penny: As opposed to the leading nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory, our product greatly reduces the risk of ulcers. So it won't burn a hole in your stomach.
Bernadette: And it won't burn a hole in your wallet, either!
Penny: Thank you. I got this. It's a brand new day!

Howard: What do you say? We'll play some board games. It'll be like a party.
Leonard: Three guys playing a board game doesn't sound like much of a party.
Howard: [chuckles] Someone doesn't remember college very well.

Sheldon: No offense, Howard, but I don't want to spend my weekend around your loud, sticky babies.
Howard: You can't insult my kids. I am offended.
Sheldon: No, you can't be. I said "no offense." That's like "no backsies" but for offense.

Penny: I think things are going pretty good.
Bernadette: Are you aware that Dave's in the break room crying?
Penny: Yeah, I told him if he's gonna be a crybaby, go to the break room.

Bernadette: Now, the emergency contacts are on the fridge and I left money for food on the table.
Howard: Oh, sounds like I do get paid.

Howard: I think I'm capable of babysitting.
Bernadette: Don't call it babysitting; they're your children. It's called parenting.
Howard: What's the difference?
Bernadette: You don't get paid.

Penny: I just really want to be prepared for this conference.
Bernadette: You're gonna do great.
Penny: You really think so?
Bernadette: Of course. They're scared of you, you're scared of me. The system works.

Penny: Okay, I know it's late and I've been working you guys really hard, so I have a little treat for you.
Darren: We get to go home?
Penny: No. You get to stay here and get vitamin B12 shots.