Danny: You've done a terrific job with Inflaminex. We're always on the lookout for great salespeople. I think we could make you happy.
Penny: Uh, thanks, but I'm pretty happy.
Karen: I could be more happy.
Penny: Tell it to your shrink, Karen.

Bernadette: Hey, Howie, everything okay?
Howard: Yeah, everything's great. I was just wondering if we had any large barbecue tongs.
Bernadette: Uh, bottom left drawer. Are you guys grilling?
Howard: Nope, just playing games with the kids.
Bernadette: Why do you need tongs?
Howard: Love you, too, bye.

Leonard: Hey, you guys want to make this more interesting?
Sheldon: By establishing a double-blind protocol so we have a foundation to publish? Yes.

Raj: Hey, this one we can do with both Michael and Halley. It's called Grabby Hands.
Leonard: Wasn't that your nickname in high school?
Howard: No, it was Mama's Boy. But the joke was on them, because I love my mom.

Amy: You know, these experiments are pretty harmless. There's one where you just put the baby in front of a mirror and you watch them watch themselves.
Raj: That sounds adorable. Let me see.
Sheldon: How come when she talks about experiments on babies, you think it's adorable, but when I do it, everyone gets upset?
Leonard: I think I can speak for all of us. You're just creepy.
Howard: No offense.

Howard: Okay, you know what, when they wake up, we can try one or two of these.
Sheldon: [gasps] Yay! [loudly] I said, "Yay!"

Howard: They're still asleep. Apparently, when I put someone down for a nap, they sleep hard.
Raj: That's a weird brag, Howard.

Howard: Bernadette thinks I have poor parenting skills.
Leonard: Maybe she's basing that on your poor husbanding skills.
Howard: Who can say? I'm bad at a lot of things.

Leonard: I didn't think you were coming.
Sheldon: Um, I changed my mind. I thought it'd be fun to spend some time with your children. Where are the little scamps?
Howard: "Scamps"?
Sheldon: I'm sorry. Tykes. Rug rats. What is the PC term these days?

Sheldon: We were in the bookstore, and I found this. "Experimenting with Babies: 50 Amazing Science Projects You Can Perform on Your Kid".
Raj: You can't experiment on his kids.
Sheldon: Yeah, you're not their father.
Howard: You can't experiment on my kids.
Sheldon: [sighs] Fine. Can I at least play a game with them? Perhaps "How Developed is Your Peripheral Vision"? [Leonard rolls his eyes] Mine's great. I saw that.

Penny: As opposed to the leading nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory, our product greatly reduces the risk of ulcers. So it won't burn a hole in your stomach.
Bernadette: And it won't burn a hole in your wallet, either!
Penny: Thank you. I got this. It's a brand new day!

Bernadette: See? You're doing great.
Penny: Yeah. Mediocre actress, great drug pusher. Who knew?

Bernadette: Oh, don't waste your time. His name is Danny. He works for one of the other drug companies.
Danny: Hey, nothing wrong with checking out the competition.
Bernadette: Aw, we don't see you as competition.
Danny: You should. Our anti-inflammatory is hitting the market this year, too.
Penny: Well, ours has zero drug interaction risk.
Danny: Yeah. So does an Altoid.
Bernadette: Speaking of Altoids, why don't you go get one?

Bernadette: I don't know what it is about that guy, but he just gets on my nerves.
Penny: Well, you scared the bad man away. Who's a good girl?

Penny: Okay. Let's everyone calm down. If you can't find a pill for that here, then you're not trying hard enough.