Howard: Hey. You guys want to come hang out at my place this weekend?
Raj: So we can help you babysit?
Howard: Uh, it's not babysitting. They're my children.
Leonard: They're not our children.
Howard: Oh. Well, for you guys, then, it is babysitting.

Stuart: Where are the kids?
Howard: I thought they were with you.
Stuart: What? No!
Howard: I'm kidding. They're at daycare.
Stuart: What about me makes you think my heart can handle that joke?

Sheldon: No offense, Howard, but I don't want to spend my weekend around your loud, sticky babies.
Howard: You can't insult my kids. I am offended.
Sheldon: No, you can't be. I said "no offense." That's like "no backsies" but for offense.

Howard: What do you say? We'll play some board games. It'll be like a party.
Leonard: Three guys playing a board game doesn't sound like much of a party.
Howard: [chuckles] Someone doesn't remember college very well.

Raj: So, Leonard, what are you gonna do while Penny's away?
Leonard: I don't know. Maybe watch a movie with subtitles.
Sheldon: If you're looking for something outside the norm, I have invented a new chess variant where the bishops can also move like knights.
Raj: What do you call that, Bishops Be Crazy?
Sheldon: First of all, it would be "Bishops Are Crazy."
Raj: Not if you're being crazy.
Leonard: Checkmate.

Sheldon: Oh, thank goodness! I caught you before you left.
Penny: I'm just going for the weekend.
Leonard: Just the weekend. You all heard her say it.

Sheldon: So, your convention is in San Diego, right?
Penny: Yes.
Sheldon: Great. I need you to settle a bet for Amy and me.
Amy: I say, when it's not Comic-Con, no one will be dressed as superheroes.
Sheldon: Mm-hmm. And I say fewer people will be dressed as superheroes but still some.
Amy: A crazy person in a cape doesn't count.
Leonard: Mm, why not? It counts at Comic-Con.

Leonard: Wow. That's a lot of luggage for a weekend.
Penny: I know. I didn't know what to wear, so I brought a few options.
Leonard: Was one of the options the option to never come back?

Leonard: I love you.
Penny: I love you, too.
Leonard: And you're gonna do great. Just relax, stay out of your head, and try to enjoy it.
Penny: Aw. That reminds me of what I said to you the first time we slept together.
Leonard: I still use it. It's a mantra.

Sheldon: Also, if you get a chance to sneak into Hall H, last year, I left my neck pillow under my seat. Uh, third row, second from the aisle.
Penny: I'll see what I can do.
Sheldon: Thank you. At least there will be one superhero in San Diego.

Bernadette: Now, the emergency contacts are on the fridge and I left money for food on the table.
Howard: Oh, sounds like I do get paid.

Bernadette: Remember, I'm leaving you with two babies. I expect to see two babies when I get back, and they better be the same two babies because I'll know.

Howard: Don't worry. I got this covered.
Bernadette: I know you do. Quick question, where are the kids right now?
Howard: They're upstairs.
Bernadette: They're at daycare.
Howard: They're at daycare?
Bernadette: They're upstairs!
Howard: Why are you messing with me?

Howard: I think I'm capable of babysitting.
Bernadette: Don't call it babysitting; they're your children. It's called parenting.
Howard: What's the difference?
Bernadette: You don't get paid.

Penny: Okay, I know it's late and I've been working you guys really hard, so I have a little treat for you.
Darren: We get to go home?
Penny: No. You get to stay here and get vitamin B12 shots.