Leonard: If I had a nickel for every time a charity sent me a nickel.
Penny: Really? That's gonna be our whole life, huh?
Leonard: If my father's any guide, around 50, I start to lose my hearing and get two new jokes.

Raj: Hey.
Leonard: Hey.
Raj: I brought Chinese.
Penny: Oh, that's a nice surprise. What's the occasion?
Raj: Please, I don't need a reason to bring food to my friends.
Leonard: But you have one, don't you?
Raj: Yeah, I need your help.

Raj: So, I folded, and I told Howard he could be a part of my planetarium show. And now I'm worried he's just gonna make the whole thing about himself.
Penny: So just tell him you changed your mind and you don't want him to do it.
Raj: No, no, then he's gonna think I'm too insecure to share the spotlight with him.
Leonard: And he'd be right.

Raj: I came here for your support.
Leonard: Well, then, you just walked up three flights of stairs for nothing.
Penny: Wait, don't you mean four flights?
Leonard: No, it's actually three.
Penny: But we're on the fourth floor. I mean, you have the lobby, first floor, second, third, fourth.
Leonard: The lobby's the first floor, so lobby, second, third, fourth.
Penny: That does not seem right.

Leonard: Hey, Raj, if I had a nickel for every time a charity sent me a nickel.
Raj: ... That's hilarious!
Leonard: I know.

[Penny arrives back in the apartment, out of breath]
Leonard: It's three, right?
Penny: Just shut up.

Sheldon: Oh, good, we caught you.
President Siebert: Yes, good.

Amy: You had no right to reassign my project.
Sheldon: Yeah, no right at all.
President Siebert: Dr. Fowler, I don't understand. Dr. Cooper assured me this is what you wanted.
Sheldon: Oh-oh! Can you believe this guy? Oh, sure, so a couple of men get together behind closed doors to decide the fate of a woman's career. I thought we'd moved past this.

Amy: Sheldon, this is your fault.
Sheldon: Ooh, sounds like the old lady's putting me in the doghouse tonight.

President Siebert: Dr. Fowler, you are very important to this university and I would like to sincerely apologize.
Amy: So I can have my project back?
President Siebert: I'm afraid it's not that simple.
Amy: Why not?
President Siebert: Well, in order to free up personnel-
Sheldon: Hey, hey, don't go mansplaining things to her.
Amy: I don't think that's what he was doing.
Sheldon: Oh, then perhaps you don't understand. See, mansplaining is when a man explains things to a woman like she's stupid. Boop.

Penny: So when was the last time you saw Howard in his astronaut uniform?
Bernadette: About a week ago.
Penny: Really? What was the occasion?
Bernadette: Date night. We do a little role-playing.
Penny: What role do you play?
Bernadette: (Russian accent) I am Ykatarina Nazdorovya, lonely Russian cosmonaut who is expert at physics and making love.
Penny: Okay, that just made the next hour really weird.

Raj: Good evening, I am Dr. Rajesh Koothrappali, and usually I take you on a trip through the stars, but tonight, we'll begin our journey much closer to home, 220 miles straight up to the International Space Station, which is manned by a team of brave men and women.
Bernadette: (Russian accent) Flexible men and women.
Penny: [to Leonard] Switch with me.

Raj: And we are fortunate to have one of those men here with us tonight. Please welcome to the Griffith Observatory astronaut Howard Joel Wolowitz.
Bernadette: [fanning herself with the program] Kak horosho.
Leonard: What is she ta-
Penny: Don't ask.

Howard: Thank you, Raj, that was a really nice introduction.
Raj: Well, it's from my heart. So, Howard, you are in an elite group. Only 232 people have ever been on the International Space Station. How does that make you feel?
Howard: Honestly, lucky. Most astronauts have to train their whole lives. I was just in the right place at the right time.
Raj: Oh, please, luck had nothing to do with it. You people need to know how impressive this man is. He was up there because he's the only one qualified to install a piece of equipment that he designed.
Howard: Thanks, but if you want to talk impressive, this guy right here discovered a planetary object outside the Kuiper belt.
Raj: He worked on the Mars rover.
Howard: He helped launch the New Horizons space probe.
Raj: He went to space on a Russian rocket.
Howard: And I was scared the whole time.
Raj: And I was scared for you, but also proud.
Howard: Wow. I don't think you've ever said that to me before.
Raj: I should have, and I'm gonna say it again. I'm proud of you. You're my best friend, and I love you.
Howard: Aw, Raj, I love you, too.
Bernadette: What is happening?
Raj: Bring it in, spaceman, you've been cleared for landing.

Bernadette: Can you believe these two?
Leonard: (crying)
Bernadette: Are you crying?