Sheldon: You just remember the mnemonic: if it's number one, the library's fun, if it's number two, the basement's for you.

Leonard: I'm glad you guys made up.
Sheldon: Well, I realized my life turned out great, and it's silly to hold a grudge.
Tam: And I had no idea we were fighting, so it was easy.

Sheldon: Uh, don't worry, Leonard, you're still my California best friend.
Leonard: Cool.
Sheldon: So, what do you want to do now? Go to the train store, go to the comic book store?
Tam: Actually, I have to grab my son and head to the airport. I was just about to call a cab.
Sheldon: Don't be silly, you don't have to call a cab. You're my oldest friend. Leonard will take you. Right, Leonard?
Leonard: Sure.

Leonard: Shall we?
Sheldon: Eh, eh, eh, hold on. I haven't seen Tam in 20 years, give me a chance to say good-bye. Bye. [Sheldon walks away]

Tam: Hello, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Hello Tam. Thank you for coming. I just want you to know that, um, I forgive you.
Tam: I didn't do anything.
Sheldon: And yet, here I am, still being the bigger man.

Tam: Look, I was in love with Beth, and she made me happy.
Sheldon: Really? Did she let you play with her train set?
Tam: In a manner of speaking.

Tam: Sheldon, I needed to stay in Texas. And you needed to come here. I knew you were gonna do amazing things, and meet amazing people who were gonna respect you, because you're brilliant. And because they never had to fish you out of a dumpster.
Sheldon: Well, they have, but it was during my short-lived parkour phase.

Tam: I didn't mean to upset you. And I want you to know I'm really proud of everything you've done.
Sheldon: Thank you. It did work out for me. And I'm sorry that things didn't work out for you.
Tam: They did work out for me.
Sheldon: Oh, Tam, you don't need to be brave on my account.
Tam: I'm not. I have a great wife and amazing children. I'm very happy.
Sheldon: Brave, brave Tam.

Bernadette: So what is the craziest request anyone's ever made?
Anu: Oh, you know, I can't really say. Concierge-guest confidentiality.
Penny: Really, that's a thing?
Anu: (laughs) No. This one time, I had to go to Walmart at 3:00 a.m. because Britney Spears needed to blow bubbles.
Bernadette: Oh. That is so cool. By the way, do not tell Raj that you met Britney Spears, because he will literally die.

Anu: We've been talking so much about me, tell me about Raj.
Penny: Okay, are you trying to get us drunk so we'll dish on our friend?
Bernadette: 'Cause it's totally gonna work, what do you want to know?

Anu: Come on.
Penny: There's really nothing to tell. Raj is so much fun to hang out with. He's like one of our girlfriends. And I mean that in a good way.
Bernadette: But also a bad way.

Anu: Anything else?
Penny: No.
Bernadette: No.
Penny: I mean, he takes baths with his dog, but not in a weird way.
Bernadette: Or a normal way; they both wear swimsuits.

Penny: He also cries every time Hugh Jackman sings.
Bernadette: But not cute sniffles, full-on snot sobs.
Penny: But he is great.
Bernadette: So great.
Penny: Yeah.

Sheldon: Howard, today is your lucky day. Leonard's out, you're my new best friend. Well, I'm not thrilled about it either, but here we are. Okay, fine. Is Bernadette there? Sh- No? Just Stuart? Let me call you back.

Amy: Let me guess. This thing with Tam escalated, and now you're mad at Leonard and looking for a new best friend?
Sheldon: You know me so well. It's too bad you can't be my best friend.
Amy: I can be.
Sheldon: You can't be my wife and my best friend. Who would I complain about you to?