Leonard: Wow, teasing the guys at the Apple Store seems a little redundant now.
Sheldon: I don't follow.
Leonard: I wouldn't expect you to.

Sheldon: Gentlemen, this is the Coast Starlight, one of the great American trains operating on one of the classic American routes. On this side, you'll see panoramic ocean vistas inaccessible to any other form of transportation, while on your side, you'll be treated to 350 miles of Costcos, Jiffy Lubes, and cinderblock homes with above-ground pools.

Leonard: This conference is kind of a big thing. The keynote address is being delivered by George Smoot.
Penny: Oh my God, the George Smoot?
Leonard: You've heard of him?
Penny: Of course I haven't.

Raj: You fail to take into account that even mute, I am foreign and exotic. While you, on the other hand, are frail and pasty.

Sheldon: Of all the overrated physicists in all the labs in all the world, why does it have to be Leslie Winkle?

Penny: Sheldon, you are a smart guy, you must know-
Sheldon: Smart? I'd have to lose 60 IQ points to be classified as smart.

Sheldon: That was not fifteenth century soap. My God, these people need to learn you can't just put "ye olde" in front of anything and expect to get away with it.

Sheldon: I fashioned historically accurate undergarments out of linen.
Leonard: You went out and bought linen?
Sheldon: Don't be silly, I borrowed one of your pillow cases.
Leonard: Borrowed?

Leonard: I've dated plenty of women. There was Joyce Kim, Leslie Winkle.
Sheldon: Notify the editors of the Oxford English Dictionary. The word plenty has been redefined to mean two.

Sheldon: Friday's always vintage game night. Look, my mom included the memory card. We can pick up where I left off in 1999 when I had pernicious anaemia.

Leonard: I would appreciate it if you would, you know, make yourself scarce.
Sheldon: Leonard, I am a published theoretical physicist with two doctorates and an IQ which can't be accurately measured by normal tests, how much scarcer could I be?

Leonard: How about those two?
Howard: Nah, they're eating peanuts. My allergies, one kiss would put me in Cedar-Sinai for a week.

Sheldon: Would you like some advice?
Leonard: Sure, why not?
Sheldon: Then this is the perfect time to launch a blog with an interactive comments section.
Leonard: Gee, thanks a lot.

Sheldon: Look at that, that's a dent. Thank you, Howard ham-fisted Wolowitz.

Howard: Look, there are plenty of bars in Los Angeles where you can order grasshoppers and chocolate martinis, but you wouldn't have to because there are no women in them.