Penny: While you're there, could you pick up a few comics for my nephew's birthday?
Sheldon: I think you mean comic books. Comics are feeble attempts at humor featuring talking babies and anthropomorphizing pets found traditionally in the optimistically named funny pages.

Leonard: Oh, hey, Stuart. This is Penny. She's looking for some comic books.
Stuart: Oh, really? Blink twice if you're here against your will.

Sheldon: Rut? I think you mean consistency. And if we're going to abandon that, then why even call it Thursday? Let's call it Quonko Day and divide it into 29 hours of 17 minutes apiece, and celebrate it by sacrificing a goat to the might god Ra.

Leonard: We all agreed that the third Thursday of every month would be Anything Can Happen Thursday.
Sheldon: Well, apparently the news didn't reach my digestive system, which, when startled, has its own version of Anything Can Happen Thursday.

Sheldon: Just pick out anything? Maybe at the same time we can pick out a new suit for him without knowing his size, or pick out his career for him without knowing his attitude, or pick out a new breakfast cereal without knowing his fiber requirements or his feelings about little marshmallows.

Mrs. Koothrappali: So, she has no problem with her son being eaten by a walrus?
Sheldon: That's very unlikely, Mrs. Koothrappali. If Raj dies, it'll be from frostbite, gangrene, acute sunburn or being ripped to shreds by a hundred pound polar bear.

Sheldon: I need access to the Cheesecake Factory's walk-in freezer.
Penny: Now, honey, I already told you, the hamburger meat is fresh and stored at a safe temperature.

Leonard: What about the really long hug? What did that mean?
Penny: That wasn't a long hug.
Leonard: It was at least five Mississippis. A standard hug is two Mississippis tops.

Sheldon: I'm a theoretical physicist, a career I chose in no small part because it's indoors. But if I'm able to detect slow-moving magnetic monopoles there, I will be the first scientist to confirm string theory. People will write books about me. Third-graders will create macaroni-art dioramas depicting scenes from my life.
Leonard: Sure, maybe a tableau of me trying to pummel you to death.

Leonard: Wait a minute. He offered to send you to the North Pole?
Sheldon: Yes. In fact, he was quite enthusiastic. He said, "Frankly, if I could send you tonight, I would."

Sheldon: I'm not good with cold, Leonard. How often have we had to leave a movie theater because I got a headache from drinking the Icee too fast? I can't go.

Raj: But if we were part of the team that confirmed string theory, we could drink for free in any bar in any college town with a university that has a strong science program.

Leonard: Sheldon, what are the words I can say right now to end this conversation and let me go back to sleep?
Sheldon: Odd, President Siebert posed the exact same question.
Leonard: How was it resolved?
Sheldon: It wasn't. His wife set the dogs on me, and rendered the question moot.

Sheldon: Now, to review, the following provisions are hereby activated. In the refrigerator, as opposed to us having two separate shelves and one communal shelf, the three of us now get individual shelves and the door becomes communal. Next, apartment vacuuming shall be increased from two to three times a week to accommodate the increased accumulation of dead skin cells. Third, the bathroom schedule. Now, I'm given to understand women have difference needs, so we'll have to discuss that.

Sheldon: Leonard, there's one more thing. Under Article One, Section Three of our Roommate Agreement, I'm calling an emergency meeting.
Leonard: No, you're not.
Sheldon: Leonard moves the meeting not occur. Is there a second? None heard, the motion fails.