Penny: The building manager's showing an apartment downstairs, and I haven't paid my rent.
Sheldon: Oh, I see. Penny, I'm not sure I'm comfortable harboring a fugitive from the 2311 North Los Robles Corporation.

Penny: Wow, you got a lot of money in there.
Sheldon: That's why it's guarded by snakes.

Sheldon: I see no large upcoming expenditures unless they develop an affordable technology to fuse my skeleton with admantium like Wolverine.
Penny: Are they working on that?
Sheldon: I sincerely hope so.

Sheldon: My expenses account for 46.9% of my after-tax income. The rest is divvied up between a small savings account, this deceptive container of peanut brittle, and the hollowed-out buttocks of a superhero action figure who shall remain nameless for his own protection. Or her own protection.

Sheldon: Leonard fairly calls the question, who is in favor of abandoning our game and confronting Penny's steroid-infused ex-boyfriend in a suicidal mission to extract money from him?
Say hi to Kurt for us.
Leonard: Excuse me. When Frodo left the Shire to take the one ring to Mordor, didn't Samwise, Pippin and Merry go with him?
Sheldon: They did.
Leonard: Well?
Sheldon: They had a terrible time of it, Leonard.

Howard: Ugh. This mu-shu pork is burning a hole through me duodenum.
Raj: Leviticus 11:3 "Only that which parteth the hoof and cheweth the cud among the beasts shall ye at."
Howard: Hey, do I mock you with the Bhagavad-Gita every time you scarf down a whopper?

Penny: Well, remember Kurt?
Leonard: Your ex-boyfriend?
Penny: Yeah. He got arrested for taking a whiz on a cop car.
Leonard: What?
Penny: He was drunk.
Leonard: I would hope so.

Penny: Oh, no, I can't give up my acting classes. I'm a professional actress.
Leonard: You've had an acting job where you got paid?
Penny: That is not the definition of professional.
Leonard: Actually, it kind of - let's keep looking.

Penny: I've been having leftovers at the restaurant for like four days and I wanted something different. So sue me.
Sheldon: Forgive me, Penny, but that would be the very definition of a frivolous lawsuit.

Leonard: Look, you do understand that Sheldon really doesn't care when he gets the money back. It's actually one of the few idiosyncrasies that doesn't make you want to, you know, kill him.

Penny: I'll pay you back as soon as I can.
Sheldon: Of course you will. It's impossible to pay me back sooner than you can. Assuming you subscribe to a linear understanding of time and causality.

Leonard: Here you go. Oh, you owe me another two dollars. The price of mu-shu pork went up.
Howard: It's getting tougher and tougher to be a bad Jew.

Sheldon: "Barney Bunny has two daddies now." Probably something about homosexual rabbits.

Sheldon: "Gerry the Gerbil and the bully boys on the bus." Read it, not helpful.

Penny: What about Howard and Raj? How did he become friends with them?
Leonard: I dunno. How do carbon atoms form a benzene ring? Proximity and valence electrons.
Penny: Sure, when you put it like that.