Season 2 Quotes Page 45 of 46
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Howard: Look, I was going over the schematics on my zero-G toilet, and I made a teeny tiny mistake on the specifications for the diverter valve.
Leonard: How teeny tiny?
Howard: It's gonna fail after about ten flushes.
Sheldon: But the mission is for six months.
Howard: Yeah, see, that's the code red. It's kind of like a jack-in-the-box, no one knows exactly when, but at some point something way worse than a puppet is gonna pop out of that box.
Leonard: Well, what are you gonna do?
Howard: I'm gonna figure out how to fix it, then I'll tell them.
Leonard: So, what do you need us for?
Raj: He can't figure out how to fix it.
Howard: Hey, you said you were gonna be supportive.
Raj: I'm trying, but you have to admit this is pretty damn funny.
Sheldon: I agree. It's the juxtaposition of the high-tech nature of space exploration against the banality of a malfunctioning toilet that provides the comic fodder here. Check your messages.
Leonard: Hey Stuart.
Stuart: You busy?
Howard: Classified, Leonard.
Leonard: Yeah, it's a regular Manhattan Project.
Stuart: Well, tonight's my date with Penny and since we haven't been able to connect by phone...
Leonard: Yeah, I'm sorry, it's been broken.
Stuart: Or e-mail.
Leonard: Yeah, that too. Everything's broken.
Stuart: Anyway, I was just wondering if you had any last-minute advice.
Leonard: All right, well, off the top of my head, I think the most important thing with Penny is to go really slow. I mean, glacial.
Leonard: You know, guys come onto her all the time, so, you need to, like, set yourself apart. You know, be a little shy, don't make too much eye contact. And, you know, treat her with, like, cool detachment and, you know, fear.
Leonard: Yeah, like, you're afraid that if you touch her, she'll break.
Stuart: Well, that plays right into my wheelhouse.
Raj: Okay, look. Instead of trying to reinforce this structure here, what if we just ran another line, bypass it entirely?
Sheldon: It won't work. The diameter of the tubing is insufficient.
Raj: What if we reposition the collection tank?
Sheldon: It won't work. No way to mount it.
Howard: Okay, here's an idea. What if I change my name and go live with my cousin and her husband Avi in Israel?
Sheldon: That could work.
Penny: Morning. What’s up?
Leonard: Nothing. We just pulled an all-nighter trying to fix a zero-gravity ... pasta maker.
Raj: If you really want to clean up your karma, go get my freakin' latte.
Howard: Hang on, I think I've got this. Help me see if we can wedge this little piece of PVC behind the support rod.
Sheldon: You're overestimating the tensile strength of the substructure you're building.
Howard: Sheldon, I know what I'm doing.
Sheldon: If you knew what you were doing, there wouldn't be a space toilet where my coffee table should be.
Raj: Howard, wait. Why don't you use this instead of the PVC to keep the transverse filter assembly in place?
Howard: Because this is not a spare part from the space station. This is the thing from the pizza box that keeps the lid from touching the cheese.
Raj: That what that's for? In India, the lid just touches the cheese. Of course, we also have rampant poverty and periodic outbreaks of cholera, so a little cardboard in our cheese is no biggie.
Leonard: Hey, Stuart, I need to talk to you.
Stuart: Sure, what's up?
Leonard: I think I gave you bad advice about Penny, and I want to apologize.
Stuart: No, your advice was great.
Leonard: It was?
Stuart: Yeah, going slow really worked.
Leonard: You're kidding. Never worked for me.
Stuart: Yeah, last night at dinner, I did what you told me, I went really slow, I kept my distance, and two bottles of wine later, we were making out in my car.
Leonard: Wine? I didn't say to give her wine.
Stuart: It doesn't matter, that's where it all went to hell.
Leonard: During the kissing? What did you do, sneeze in her mouth? I did that to a girl once.
Stuart: No, everything was good and really hot, and I said “Oh, Penny,” and right where she was supposed to say, “Oh, Stuart,” she said ... your name.
Stuart: That is your name, right?
Leonard: Yeah, no, yeah, wow, I'm sorry. That must've been the last thing you wanted to hear.
Stuart: Well, it beats "You know I'm a dude, right?" Yeah, it was pretty bad.
Howard: (talking on the phone) Yes, sir, I understand classified. We'll keep it all classified, no one has to know but you and me.
Penny: What's classified?
Leonard: Howard's space toilet. I'll tell you later.
Penny: Leonard, could you pass the soy sauce, please?
Leonard: I'm sorry, were you talking to me?
Penny: Yeah, I said Leonard.
Leonard: Yes, you did, didn't you?
Penny: What the hell is that?
Leonard: What was it doing on the ceiling?
Howard: That's classified.
Leonard: Wait a minute. He offered to send you to the North Pole?
Sheldon: Yes. In fact, he was quite enthusiastic. He said, "Frankly, if I could send you tonight, I would."