Sheldon: And let me tell you sleep did not come easily with Leonard in the next room singing along with Alanis Morrisette.
Penny: You're kidding.
Sheldon: No. Clearly another woman in dire need of ice cream.

Sheldon: A common spare. The Miss Congeniality of the bowling pageant. Before you jump on Twitter to tout your modest accomplishment, watch how its really done.

Sheldon: Penny, reminder, bowling tonight at seven o'clock.
Penny: Oh, right. Bowling.
Leonard: You don't have to come if you don't want to.
Penny: No, no, it's okay. I mean, let's face it, you guys would get creamed without me.
Sheldon: We would indeed. In this particular case, your lack of femininity works to our advantage.
Penny: It's always nice chatting with you, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Sarcasm?
Penny: Thinly veiled contempt.

Howard: Did you take a Benadryl and fall asleep while pleasuring her? Because you can die that way.
Raj: Oh, that would be a good way to go.

Sheldon: Remember, seven o'clock.
Penny: Got it.
Sheldon: Pacific Daylight time!
Penny: Bite me!
Sheldon: Please reserve that butch spirit for the lanes.

Howard: I thought you were bringing your own bowling shoes.
Sheldon: These are my own bowling shoes.
Howard: Then what's with the disinfectant?
Sheldon: I know where my feet have been.

Howard: What'd you do, Romeo? You pour maple syrup all over your body and ask her if she was in the mood for a short stack?
Raj: Did you think it would be funny to put on a pair of her panties and jump around, but it wound up just creeping her out?
Leonard: What? No.
Raj: I'm just asking, dude. It happens.

Stuart: You guys still on for bowling tonight?
Sheldon: Oh, yes. In fact, I've prepared some trash talk for the occasion. You bowl like your mama. Unless, of course, she bowls well. In which case, you bowl nothing like her.
Stuart: Oh. Ouch.
Sheldon: That is what is referred to as a burn on you.

Howard: Did you ask her to start waxing?
Leonard: No.
Raj: Did you start waxing?
Leonard: No.
Howard: While making love, did you accidentally spank your own ass and cry out Mommy?
Leonard: I'm walking away from you now.
Howard: That wasn't a no.
Raj: Yeah, I think we're getting close.

Raj: Maybe he's having a lover's spat with Penny.
Leonard: No, there was no spat.
Howard: Oh, but something happened.
Leonard: I don't want to talk about it.
Sheldon: But I sense you're going to and I don't want to hear about it. Excuse me.

Leonard: Can we please talk about something else? Maybe something vaguely related to life as we know it on this planet?
Howard: Okay, how about this for a topic, why is Leonard being a giant douche? Assuming giant douches are possible.
Sheldon: Of course they are. Leonard's being one.

Leonard: What do you want from me? I just don't give a rat's ass.
Howard: Would that be a giant rat's ass?
Sheldon: For the record, giant rats are possible.

Leonard: Seriously? You have nothing better to do than sit around and discuss the possibility of giant ants?
Howard: What's with him?
Sheldon: Perhaps he's at a sensitive point in his monthly cycle.
Howard: Are you saying he's man-struating?
Sheldon: Not literally. But as far back as the 17th century, scientists observed a 33-day fluctuation in men's hormone levels.
Raj: Interesting. That might explain my weepy days in the middle of the month. You know what I'm talking about.

Howard: Hey, Leonard, where do you come down on giant ants?
Raj: Sheldon says impossible. Howard and I say not only possible, but as a mode of transportation, way cooler than a Batmobile.
Sheldon: You are ignoring the square-cube law. The giant ant would be crushed under the weight of its own exoskeleton. And for the record, the appropriate ranking of cool modes of transportation is jet pack, hoverboard, transporter, Batmobile, and then giant ant.

Leonard: Oh, my God. I'm lying in bed with a beautiful woman who can quote Yoda. I love you, Penny.
Penny: Oh. Oh. Thank you.