Howard: (Singing) Bernadette, I am so sorry for... trying to propose to you. Bernadette, you found it creepy, but... that's just the kind of thing I do...Aaaaaaaaahhh. I know now it's too soon to talk of love, it was just a crazy idea that came to me in my tub. Bernadette, give me one more chance, Sweet Bernadette. I'll get the hang of this thing they call romance, Sweet Bernadette. I dream to once again kiss your lips, Sweet Bernadette. Sincerely Yours, Howard Wolowitz! Bernadette. (Song Ends) Thank you, Cheesecake Factory.

Barry Kripke: Hey, Cooper. I hear you're going to be on the radio with Ira Flatow from Science Friday next week.
Sheldon: Thank you, Kripke, for depriving me of the opportunity to share my news with my friends.
Barry Kripke: My pleasure.
Sheldon: My thanks were not sincere.
Barry Kripke: Ah, but my pleasure is.

Barry Kripke: Let me ask you a question. At what point did National Public Radio have to start scraping the bottom of the barrel for its guest? Don't answer, it's rhetorical.

Mrs. Wolowitz Howard, what are you doing in there?
Howard: I'm taking a bath.
Mrs. Wolowitz I hope that's all you're doing. We share that tub!

Sheldon: You keep in mind that my sharply-worded comments on Yelp.com recently took down a muffin store.

Raj: With your American accent, everything you say sounds stupid.

Raj: If I could speak the language of rabbits, they would be amazed, and I would be their king.
Leonard: I hate my name. It has 'nerd' in it. 'Len. Nerd.'
Wolowitz: I lost my virginity to my cousin Jeanie.
Raj: I would be kind to my rabbit subjects. At first.

Sheldon: Why do you have the Chinese character for 'soup' tattooed on your right buttock?
Penny: It's not 'soup'; it's 'courage'.
Sheldon: No it isn't. But I suppose it does take courage to demonstrate that kind of commitment to soup.
Penny: How'd you see it? You said you wouldn't look.
Sheldon: Sorry. As I told you, the hero always peeks.

Sheldon: Now remember, you were given powerful pain medication and a muscle relaxer, so don't operate heavy machinery, and try not to choke on your own drool. [goes to leave]
Penny: Wait! You have to help me get into bed. [laughs] "Sheldon has to help me get into bed". Bet you thought I'd never say that!
Sheldon: Yes. Charmed. Your drug-addled candor knows no bounds. [helps Penny into bed]
Penny: You know people think you are this weird robot man who's so annoying all the time and you totally are. But then it's like that movie Wall-E at the end. You're so full of love and you can save a plant and get fat people out of their floaty chairs.
Sheldon: That's a fairly labored metaphor but I appreciate the sentiment behind it.

Sheldon: Cause of Injury: Lack of Adhesive Ducks.

Penny: Don't you dare knock!

Sheldon: Let it never be said that Sheldon Lee Cooper ignored the pleas of a damsel in distress.

Sheldon: And good evening to you, Siam Palace, this is Sheldon Cooper. Yeah, I'm going to be dining alone this evening, so I'll be reducing my usual order. I'd like to start with one quarter of the assorted appetizers plate and one half of the Golden Treasure for two - oh, for heaven's sake! In the mid-18th century, King Rama the Fourth of Siam divided a huge empire amongst the colonial powers of Europe in order to preserve his throne. Surely you, his cultural descendant, can handle pad thai and dumplings.

Wolowitz: You're such a douche
Raj: Who cares? You slept with your cousin!

Sheldon: I'm sorry. There there. Everything's gonna be okay. Sheldon's here.