Howard: So nice you could join me this evening, you're looking lovely as always.
Katee Sackhoff: Thanks Howard, always nice to be part of your masturbatory fantasies.

Raj: We are from the Lollipop guild and we want you!

Sheldon: Hello, Kripke. This classic prank comes to you from the malevolent mind of Sheldon Cooper. If you would like to see the look on your stupid face, this video is being instantly uploaded to YouTube. Oh, and a hat tip to Leonard Hofstadter and Raj Koothrappali for their support and encouragement in this enterprise.

Sheldon: What do you want?
Raj: We represent the Lollipop Guild and we want you!

Leonard: What if you could make Kripke look even sillier than he made you look?
Raj: I don't think that's possible, dude.
Leonard: You're not helping.
Raj: I didn't come here to help, I came here to mock.

Sheldon: Thank you Kripke for depriving me of the opportunity to share my news with my friends.
Kripke: My pleasure.
Sheldon: My thank you was not sincere.
Kripke: Hmm, but my pleasure is.

Penny: Why are you back from your date so early?
Howard: Well, in romance, as in show business, always leave them wanting more.
Penny: What exactly does that mean?
Leonard: He struck out.

Sheldon: Are we talking "date", the social interaction or "date" the dried fruit?

Raj: I was on the radio, once. I called in to Fever 104 FM New Dehli and was the fourth person to say the phrase that pays: Fever 104 (speaking Hindi).
*The guys stare at Raj*
Raj: That means "Fever 104: Home of the really good current music."
Raj: It's much catchier in Hindi.

Leonard: You know, when Sheldon gives you homework, you don't have to do it.
Raj: In fact, it's better if you don't. Otherwise, it makes the rest of us look bad.

Penny: Yo, Raj, talk to me. I'm sorry, just screwing with you.

Ira Flatow: Thanks for being with us today, Dr. Cooper.
Sheldon: My pleasure, Ira.
Ira Flatow: Now, let's talk about magnetic monopoles. Can you explain to our audience just what a monopole is?
Sheldon: Of course. First, consider an ordinary magnet, which has, as even the most uneducated (voice becoming high-pitched) in your audience must know, two poles (clears throat) a north and south pole. If you cut that in half, you have 2 smaller magnets each with it's own north and south pole.
Ira Flatow: Dr. Cooper, I think there might be something wrong with our connection.
Sheldon: No, I hear you fine. As I was saying, an ordinary magnet has 2 poles. The primary characteristics of a monopoles is that it has only one pole, hence, "monopole".

Mrs. Wolowitz: Howard! What are you doing in there?
Howard: I'm taking a bath.
Mrs. Wolowitz: I hope that's all you're doing, we share that tub.
Howard: Don't remind me.

Sheldon: I refuse to sink to his level.
Raj: You can't sink, with all that helium in you, you're lucky you don't flow away.

Raj: Here comes Kripke.
Leonard: Who's that with him?
Raj: I believe that's the president of the university.
Leonard: And the board of directors. Abort! Abort!
Sheldon: There is no abort.
Raj: How could you not put in an abort?
Sheldon: I made a boo-boo, all right?