Howard: (To Bernadette) Come on, I don't wanna eat lamb stew with my mother. (To himself) Damn, was this close to the bra.

Sheldon: (Dictating) Research Journal, Entry One. I'm about to embark on one of the great challenges of my scientific career: teaching Penny physics.! I'm calling it "Project Gorilla".

Sheldon: Where's your notebook?
Penny: Um, I don't have one.
Sheldon: How are you gonna take notes without a notebook?
Penny: I have to take notes?
Sheldon: How else are you gonna study for the tests?
Penny: There's gonna be a test?
Sheldon: Tests. Here. It's college-ruled. I hope that's not too intimidating.

Penny: Hay Leonard, check this out. * Throws won-ton in the air and catches it in her mouth *
Sheldon: Leonard, she's doing it again.
Leonard: I think it upsets Sheldon when you play with the food.
Sheldon: No, it upsets Sheldon when she willy-nilly takes it from the containers with out guard of equitable distribution. * Turns to Raj * This is essentially why you have famine in India.
Penny: You want me to put it back? *Said with mouth full of food *
Sheldon: Leonard!
Leonard: It upsets Sheldon when you play with the Sheldon.

Sheldon: That's no reason to cry. One cries because one is sad. For example, I cry because others are stupid, and that makes me sad.

Bernadette: Come here, tushie face.
Leonard: Tushie face! That is going on twitter right now.

Sheldon: Howard?
Howard: Yeah?
Sheldon: Your shoes are delightful, where did you get them?
Howard: What?
Sheldon: Bazinga! I don't care.

Mrs. Wolowitz Senior fitness was canceled. It turns out you can forget how to ride a bike. I'm fine, but, oy, did Sam Harpoolian eat gravel.
Howard: That's great, Ma!
Mrs. Wolowitz: What's great about an 80-year-old Armenian man with half his chin scraped off?

Howard: Hey, ma, can I have lamb stew for dinner?
Mrs. Wolowitz: Lamb stew? I'd have to go to the supermarket.
Howard: Please? I got a real hankering.
Mrs. Wolowitz: Oh, I can't say no to my little tushie face. I'll be back soon.

Mrs. Wolowitz: Do you want the regular peas or the Le Seur?
Howard: Always Le Seur peas with lamb stew.
Mrs. Wolowitz: You're right. When you're right, you're right. What if they're out of the Le Seur?
Howard: Then get the regular!
Mrs. Wolowitz: All right, you don't have to yell.

Sheldon: Now, Introduction to Physics. What is physics? Physics comes from the ancient Greek word physika. It's at this point that you'll want to start taking notes. Physika means the science of natural things. And it is there, in ancient Greece, that our story begins.
Penny: Ancient Greece?
Sheldon: Hush. If you have questions, raise your hand. It's a warm summer evening, circa 600 BC. You've finished your shopping at the local market, or agora, and you look up at the night sky. There you notice some of the stars seem to move, so you name them planetes, or "wanderer". Yes, Penny?
Penny: Um, does this have anything to do with Leonard's work?
Sheldon: This is the beginning of a twenty six hundred year journey we're going to take together from the ancient Greeks through Isaac Newton to Niels Bohr to Erwin Schrodinger to the Dutch researchers that Leonard is currently ripping off.
Penny: Twenty six hundred years?
Sheldon: Yeah, give or take. As I was saying, it's a warm summer evening in ancient Greece…

Penny: I have to go to the bathroom.
Sheldon: Can't you hold it?
Penny: Not for twenty six hundred years.

Sheldon: Biologically speaking, Howard is perfectly justified in seeking out the optimum mate for the propagation of his genetic line. Howard: Thank you, Sheldon. Sheldon: And whether that propagation is in the interest of humanity is, of course, an entirely different question.

Sheldon: (On helium) Kripke! I found the nozzle. I'm gonna kill you!

Sheldon: What are you talking about?
Leonard: The cultural paradigm in which people have sex after 3 dates.
Sheldon: I see. Now, are we talking date the social interaction or date the dried fruit?