Sheldon: In the meantime, please forward my mail.
Leonard: Any place specific or just the Bozeman, Montana Loony Bin?
Sheldon: I sense you're making a joke, but Bozeman does have a comedy club called The Loony Bin, so do not forward my mail there.

Sheldon: I'm going to be a Bozite.
Leonard: They call themselves Bozites?
Sheldon: They should. It's one of the first thing I plan to bring up upon arrival.

Howard: Boy, seems like forever since the four of us have been out to eat, you know? Just the guys.
Raj: Oh, God. Yes, we get it. You have a girlfriend now.
Howard: A little jealous, are we?
Raj: No, I'm not jealous. All right, I'd kill a hobo if it'll get me laid. Now, can we order?

Sheldon: Oh, dear Lord, they re-did the menu.
Leonard: So what? It's the same food.
Sheldon: Oh, is it? Look at this. General Tso's Chicken is no longer listed under specialties. It's now under chicken.
Raj: So?
Sheldon: Yes, General Tso.
Raj: Not Tso the chicken, so the question. So?
Sheldon: So, why is it no longer a specialty? Did the chef lose confidence in the dish or himself?

Leonard: You know what? Let's just get a pizza.
Sheldon: Good idea. We'll go to Corleone's.
Howard: Sure, no mobsters there.

Policeman: We're done here. Call this number, and w'll fax you a copy of the report so you can submit it to your insurance company.
Sheldon: I'm sorry, that's the end of your inquiry?
Policeman: Do you have any more information that might be relevant?
Sheldon: Oh, my goodness. Where do I begin? For instance, my laptop contained four out of the five Gedanken experiments necessary for a cogent restatement of the quantum measurement problem.
Leonard: How is that going to help them?
Sheldon: Well, they could monitor scientific publications and see if anyone posts such a cogent restatement in the next couple of months. If so, the authors are most likely in possession of my stolen laptop.

Leonard: What are we supposed to do now?
Sheldon: The only thing we can do. Watch TV on our phones until the criminals return and bludgeon us to death in our sleep.
Leonard: Does that mean you've ruled me out as a suspect?
Sheldon: Oh, how I wish I could.

Penny: Sheldon, do you want to sleep here tonight?
Sheldon: Oh, as small as Leonard is, I don't think the two of youd be comfortable on the couch.

Leonard: What do you want?
Sheldon: It's not what I want, it's what evolution wants. Human beings are primates. Primates have evolved to live in groups, both for protection and support.
Leonard: But you don't like other people.
Sheldon: I do tonight. It's scary over there.
Leonard: It's getting scary here, too.

Penny: Umm. Three little kittens? Three little pigs? God, I don't know. Star Wars?
Leonard: Did we win? Can we go to bed?
Sheldon: Good Lord, I could not have made this easier. Hydrogen atom, H. Plus, pigs minus pea, Higgs. Bow, General Zod trapped in the Phantom Zone. Bow-zone. Pear. Tickle. Pear-tickle. Higgs Boson Particle. How could you not get that?
Leonard: He's right, Penny. It's all there.

Penny: Look, Sheldon, sweetie, I know you're feeling insecure, but we've really got to go to sleep.
Sheldon: All right. I'll take the first watch and wake you at 0400.
Leonard: Great. Good night.
Penny: Wait, wait, what's 0400?
Leonard: 4 am.
Penny: That's, like, in 45 minutes.
Leonard: Just keep walking.

Leonard: Don't you think looking for a new city to live in is a bit of an overreaction?
Sheldon: Our apartment was broken into, our security system tried to kill me, and as a result, I'm leaving Pasadena forever. Tell me how that's overreacting.
Penny: Come on, Sheldon, you can't move. Don't you need to stay in one place so the mother ship can find you when it returns?
Sheldon: Oh, if that were only true. Unfortunately, as I'm earthbound for the foreseeable future, I need to find a location that's more hospitable than the mean streets of Pasadena.

Sheldon: All right, Boone, North Carolina. Every summer since 1952, Boone has hosted an outdoor amphitheater portrayal of the life and times of its namesake, Dan’l Boone. Sounds like something that would attract the wrong crowd.

Howard: Hey, look who's back!
Sheldon: Interesting. The acquaintance is the first to greet me.

Raj: Great. It's not like I brought it up because I wanted to go.
Howard: You can come with us.
Raj: No, it's okay. I don't have to go. I'm happy to guide you and your ladies to suitable entertainment choices. I'm a walking, brown Yelp.com