Leonard: Is that your laundry? You only have, like, six things in there.
Penny: Yeah, I didn't have any quarters, so I've been sneaking stuff into other people's loads all day.

Penny: I think about a lot of things. I think about us getting married, I think about us breaking up. Once in a while, I think about how I didn't leave a note on that Mercedes I dinged in the parking lot last month, but then I have a glass of wine and it passes.

Amy: Come on, Sheldon. We can be like Marie Curie and her husband, Pierre, who spent their days working side by side, bathed in the glow of their love and the radium that ultimately killed her. Screw Beauty and the Beast, that's the love story Disney should tell.

Leonard: Where's Howard?
Raj: No hi, Raj? No how are you, Raj? Just straight to where's the other white guy?

Leonard: So, listen, I heard something about him. Can you keep it between us?
Raj: Ooh, gossip. When I first got here, I thought you Americans really gossiped around the water cooler. So I hung out there for, like, a month, but the only gossip I ever heard was about some creepy guy hanging out by the water cooler.

Leonard: Bernadette wants to get a pre-nup.
Raj: Oh, that's a shame, he's gonna be devastated.
Leonard: I never know what to do in these situations. Should I give him a heads-up?
Raj: Hmm. I'm gonna give you the same advice I yell at the TV when the Bachelor's handing out roses. Follow your heart.

Leonard: Joke all you want, but you think about it.
Penny: Well, tell you one thing, if I ever do get married, no Klingon invitations.
Leonard: Good luck catching a man with that attitude.

Leonard: Sheldon, Canada is not going to invade California.
Sheldon: Yeah, really? You think those hippies in Washington and Oregon can stop them?

Astronaut Mike Massimino: No problem, Froot Loops.

Leonard: Oh, great! I get to spend another night in front of our apartment dressed like one of the Village People.
Sheldon: You make that joke every three months and I still don't get it.

Mrs Wolowitz: Howard, your Froot Loops are getting soggy!

Sheldon: Uh oh, hypothetical aftershock. (Sheldon grabs Leonard and pushes him over) And that's why we wear hard-hats.

Leonard: I have to get a lock for my door.

Penny: Anyway, you want to make out?
Leonard: I thought because our relationship was in a beta test, you wanted to take things slow?
Penny: Okay. Do you want to make out slow?
Leonard: I can go so slow. It'll be like there's a snail in your mouth.

Sheldon: Rise and shine sleepy head, half the town probably is dead.