Raj: Tell her, her eyes shimmer like opalescent lilies in the lake of the palace of the celestial maidens.
Howard: Really? That's the first thing you want to say?
Raj: I worked on it all night. Use it.
Howard: Look, I don't know the sign for opalescent.
Raj: Then spell it.
Howard: I don't know how to spell it.
Raj: You're blowing this for me!

Howard: He likes your eyes.
Raj: You're making me sound like a caveman.

Raj: Let's see, what else can I tell you about me that would make you like me? Ooh, I love music. Do you love music?
Howard: You really want to ask her that?
Raj: You're right. Everyone loves music.

Howard: She says, do you play an instrument?
Raj: No, but when I was six years old, I tried to start a boy band called Frankie Goes to Bollywood. But I couldn't get any other boys to join, so my parents asked the servants to be my backup dancers. Wait, when you sign servants, don't sign it like I'm bragging. Sign it in a way that I sound humble with just a hint of, that's right, I had servants.
Howard: Do you hear yourself?
Raj: Yes, but she doesn't. So get signing, hand monkey.

Howard: This is her car. She hopes she can see you again sometime.
Raj: Good, good. Oh, boy, help me out here. Does she want me to kiss her or not?
Howard: I speak sign language, I don't read minds.
Raj: If you were me, would you kiss her?
Howard: Yeah, but I'm a make out king.

Penny: Mustache is looking good there, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Don't thank me. Thank the dice. They told me what percentage of my face to shave.
Howard: Why are you still doing this?
Sheldon: Because it's working. In the past few weeks, unburdened by trivial decisions, I've co-authored two papers in notable peer-reviewed journals, and I'm close to figuring out why the Large Hadron Collider has yet to isolate the Higgs boson particle.
Leonard: You left out, got chafed testicles because you no longer wear underpants.

Howard: Here's some other fun news on the Raj/Emily front. He gave her a pair of diamond earrings and leased her a car.
Penny: You're kidding.
Leonard: You think she's taking advantage of him?
Penny: Oh, of course not. She wouldn't do something like that. She's deaf.
Leonard: Deaf women can't be gold diggers?
Penny: Handicapped people are nice, Leonard. Everyone knows that.

Sheldon: Yeah, I actually have information about Raj that would be helpful with this discussion.
Leonard: Could you tell us?
Sheldon: Let's see. (Rolls dice) Snake eyes. Sorry, bud.
Penny: Wait, hang on. Doubles. Roll again.
Sheldon: Okay, get this. It doesn't matter if he's showering her with gifts, because the Koothrappalis are vastly wealthy.
Penny: What do you mean, vastly wealthy?
Sheldon: Well, wealthy means a lot of money, and vastly means even more. I'm not sure what's tripping you up.

Leonard: Listen, guys, I'm sorry, I don't mean to be rude, but I need to go call Raj's sister, who I love so much. So vastly much.

Penny: Okay, so he's got money, and it's a few gifts and a car.
Howard: And she got him to pay off all her credit cards.
Penny: What? He paid off her credit cards? Damn it, I could've dated Raj for a couple months. But I, I wouldn't have, because I'm not that kind of girl.

Raj: How dare you ambush my girlfriend at the gym!
Penny: We didn't mean for it to be an ambush. Just, it's kind of impossible not to sneak up on deaf people.

Penny: Oh, I'm so sorry. I wish I could make you feel better.
Raj: Seriously? I'm heartbroken and you’re hitting on me?
Penny: What? No!
Raj: Look, Penny, you're great, but I had a long talk with my parents, and they said if I date an Indian girl, I get a Maserati.

Amy: The only person who signed my yearbook was my mother. "Dear Amy, self respect and a hymen are far better than friends and fun. Love, mom."

Bernadette: Good Morning, handsome.
Howard: Good morning, mom.
Bernadette: It's me!

Amy: I have a sorta kinda boyfriend at home playing with a model train, but you don't hear me bitching about it.