Sheldon: See, as you know, a few years ago I achieve one of my lesser dreams and became a notary public. Well, from time to time, I notarize banking documents for Raj. The Koothrappalis aren't just rich. They're Richie Rich rich.
Penny: Well, so how much is that?
Sheldon: About halfway between Bruce Wayne and Scrooge McDuck.

Raj: Oh, Mummy, Daddy. What a nice surprise.
Dr. Koothrappali: No, it's not a nice surprise, it's a bad surprise.

Mrs. Koothrappali: She told us you're spending all our money on your new girlfriend.
Raj: I just got her a couple of things. She gives me things, too.
Dr. Koothrappali: Yeah, yeah, I'm a gynecologist. I know exactly what she gives you.

Raj: Well, I choose love.
Dr. Koothrappali: Hah! You're an idiot. Love doesn't last.
Well, he's going to find out eventually.
Think about it.

Leonard: Hey, how go the wedding plans, Howard?
Howard: Great. We spent five hours last night at Macy's registering for gifts. Looks like I'm finally going to have that darling little earthenware asparagus dish I've always wanted.

Leonard: See, this is the good thing about having a girlfriend 9,000 miles away. I can spend my nights doing whatever I want.
Howard: You mean like playing nerd games with us and then taking a suspiciously long shower?
Leonard: Maybe.

Leonard: We enter the dungeon.
Sheldon: You see a dragon.
Howard: Really? So we're playing Dungeons and Dragons, and we walk into a dungeon and see a dragon? Isn't that a little on the nose?
Sheldon: When you play Chutes and Ladders, do you complain about all the chutes and all the ladders?

Leonard: Are you gonna eat that whole pie?
Raj: Maybe. Why not? Who do I have in my life to watch my figure for?
Leonard: Oh, God, did you watch Bridget Jones again?
Raj: No, its just that everybody's got someone. Sheldon's with Amy, Howard's getting married, you're dating my sister.
Leonard: Now that Howard's getting married, maybe he'll inflate one of his old girlfriends for you.

Raj: You know who I blame for my loneliness? The United States of America. Your movies and your TV shows promised streets paved with beautiful blond women with big bazongas.
Howard: Eat another pie, youll have your own bazongas.
Raj: That's cruel. You know it goes straight to my hips.

Amy: So, Bernadette, how's the wedding planning going? And I'm not asking as a prospective bridesmaid. Pick me! Pick me!
Bernadette: We went cake-tasting yesterday. Raj came along. He cried and ate half the samples.

Bernadette: You know, I met a really cute girl at work. She's married to a guy in one of our drug trials.
Penny: Well, hello? She's married.
Bernadette: Yeah, but her husband is in serious congestive heart failure, and a little birdie told me he's in the placebo group.
Penny: Okay, so future grief-stricken widow is the one to beat.

Sheldon: Let's see what I'll be washing that succotash down with. A pitcher of margaritas.
Leonard: Do you really want that?
Sheldon: That's the great thing. It doesn't matter. My mind is freed up to think about more important things.
Raj: What's it thinking about now?
Sheldon: Hamburgers and lemonade.

Howard: She says it's nice to meet you.
Raj: Does she really mean that or was she signing it sarcastically?

Sheldon: And now for dessert, come on, hot fudge sundae, come on, hot fudge sundae. Bam! That's what I'm talking about!

Raj: Okay, as soon as she gets here, so she knows I'm cool with it, I'm going to make a joke about her being deaf. I was thinking, hey, did you hear the one about..? Oh, no, I bet you didn't.
Howard: Maybe we should revisit your lonely fat guy plan.