Howard: If you're gonna love me, you're gonna have to love the whole package, the tenderhearted poet and the crazy daredevil.
Bernadette: I know.
Howard: Well, don't say it if you're not gonna mean it, 'cause I'm not just gonna stop with the space station. Yeah, I want to go to the Moon, I want to go to Mars. I want to take a one-man sub to the lowest depths of the ocean.
Bernadette: Really? You got seasick on Pirates of the Caribbean.
Howard: Well, those big kids were rocking it.

Bernadette: I just did what I did because I love you so much, and the thought of losing you is more than I can handle.
Howard: Really?
Bernadette: You're my soul mate. This is where you kiss me.

Leonard: What are you doing here?
Sheldon: Fighting for our friendship. As peculiar and annoying as you can be, you're still my little buddy. I'm not going to let that end here tonight. Now put down that drink, let's meet Brent Spiner and go home.

Wil Wheaton: Hey, Sheldon, I'm so glad you made it. I found something I think you might like.
Sheldon: What I'd like is for him to have a more depressing home. This is quite lovely.

Wil Wheaton: This is for you.
Sheldon: An original mint-in-package Wesley Crusher action figure.
Wil Wheaton: I remembered your story about the time you went to a convention when you were a kid to get one signed, and I didn't show up.
Wil Wheaton: Look at what I wrote.
Sheldon: To Sheldon, sorry this took so long. Your friend, Wil Wheaton.
Wil Wheaton: It's my last one. I want you to have it.
Sheldon: Look, everyone. Wil Wheaton is my friend!

Leonard: Can we get autographed dolls?
Brent Spiner: Sure. Twenty bucks.
Leonard: Ten.
Brent Spiner: Eighteen.
Leonard: Twelve.
Brent Spiner: Sixteen.
Leonard: Two for thirty. And you come to my birthday party.
Brent Spiner: Done.

Raj: I was so smooth on that date.
Howard: Dude, I made you smooth. You were an idiot.
Raj: Whatever, dude. She kissed me.
Howard: It might have been on your lips, but it was my kiss.
Raj: Oh, fine. Let's agree she kissed both of us.
Howard: Okay.

Sheldon: The dice giveth and the dice taketh away.

Penny: This girl is trouble. What kind of relationship is it where you buy her gifts and she gives you sex?
Raj: The best one I've ever had!

Raj: I don't know if I wanna play any more.
Sheldon: Because you don't have a girlfriend? Well, good lord, if that becomes a reason to not play dungeons and dragons, this game is in serious trouble.

Penny: (Whispers) Here she comes.
Howard: Smart. Whisper so the deaf chick doesn't hear you!

Sheldon: The entrance to the dungeon is a moss covered door. You manage to open it only to find yourself face-to-face with a hideous, foul-smelling, moss-covered ogre. What do you do?
Howard: I say, "Hey Ma, what's for dinner?"

Howard: He likes your eyes.
Raj: You're making me sound like a caveman.
Howard: She says, "thank you, and you have nice eyes, too."
Raj: Really? Ask her how many children she wants, and whatever number she says, say me too.
Howard: No.

Raj: Tell her I have a deep sexy voice like James Earl Jones.
Howard: She doesn't know what James Earl Jones sounds like.
Raj: Great. Then she won't know I'm lying.

Howard: She says, do you play an instrument?
Raj: No, but when I was six years old, I tried to start a band called Frankie Goes To Bollywood. But I couldn't get any boys to join, so my parents asked the servants to be my backing dancers. Wait, when you sign servants, don't sign it like I'm bragging. Sign it in a way that I sound humble with just a hint of, that's right, I had servants.
Howard: Do you hear yourself?
Raj: Yes, but she doesn't. So get signing, hand monkey.