Howard: One time when I was working with him, he said that Johnny Depp was in The Matrix. I told him he was wrong, but he kept insisting. So I looked it up online and showed him. Well, the next day, he had a pizza party, and everyone got invited but me. And then he was all, your invitation must have gotten lost in the matrix.

Amy: I feel like I'm in high school again.
Bernadette: Yeah, doing the prom queen's homework so she'll like us.
Amy: I know. It's finally working.

Howard: I wish we looked as cool dancing in the clubs as we do right now.
Leonard: Don't worry, this is exactly how you look when you're dancing in clubs.
Raj: You're welcome, ladies.

Sheldon: Earlier today, I invited Professor Stephen Hawking to join me in the popular online game Words with Friends. Moments ago, he accepted my request. Do you understand what that means?
Howard: That somewhere right now Stephen Hawking is saying, "Damn it, I mean to click no."

Sheldon: I'll walk you through it. This game is not called Words with Strangers. No, it's not even called Words with Acquaintances. It's called Words with-
Raj: I'm not finishing your sentence. You pulled the plug on my funk.
Sheldon: Friends! It's Words with Friends. Which Stephen Hawking and I officially are. Now all I need is a bunk bed with a slide, and I'll have everything I've ever wanted since I was six years old.

Amy: I once looked in Sheldon's underwear drawer. He yelled at me. But now I know what it looks like and he can never take that away.

Amy: Wow, my boyfriend is friends with Stephen Hawking and my new dandruff shampoo doesn't smell like tar. Everything really is coming up Amy.

Sheldon: Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur. Happy kitty, sleepy kitty, purr, purr, purr.
Professor Proton: Thank you, Sheldon. That, that was very nice.
Sheldon: Want me to sing it again?
Professor Proton: No. The fourth, the fourth time was the charm.

Sheldon: Should I call myself Professor Proton, Jr.?
Professor Proton: Sounds great.
Sheldon: So, in a way, it's like I'm your son.
Professor Proton: Whatever.
Sheldon: Father.
Professor Proton: Sure, what the hell.

Sheldon: Met my childhood hero, now I get to ride in an ambulance. Boy, if we can get him to do that calendar, this'll be the best day ever.

Leonard: You want one of us to go with you in the ambulance?
Sheldon: I'll do it.
Professor Proton: He's not a relative. He's not allowed, right?
Paramedic: No, that's not a rule. He can go.
Professor Proton: I can't catch a break today.

Sheldon: If it hadn't been for you, well, who knows what would've become of me. You know? Instead of a world-class physicist, I could've wound up as a hobo. Or a surgeon.

Sheldon: I wrote a fan letter to you when I was a child in Texas, and you sent this autographed picture back to me. Do you remember that?
Professor Proton: I'll give you a hint. I have a bracelet with my own address on it.

Howard: When this is all blows over, remember that voice. It's kind of a turn-on.
Bernadette: It turns you on when I sound like Raj?

Raj: Hey, I just found out that I have to be at the telescope lab all weekend. Any chance you and Bernadette could take care of my dog?
Howard: Why don't you put her in a kennel?
Raj: Why don't you put your mother in a home?
Howard: To be honest, she'd do better in the kennel.