Leonard: See, Howard's just as good a dungeon master as I am.
Sheldon: As good? You just got pantsed in the schoolyard, four eyes.

Raj: I like you a lot, and that's scary for me. Mostly because you're a proven flight risk.

Professor Proton: Okay, as, as I put the egg on top, and, and the flame goes out and, and, and the air pressure decreases in, in the flask, what do you think will happen?
Penny: I think I know.
Sheldon: It's gonna get sucked in. It's going to get sucked in.
Penny: Okay, I didn't know.
Sheldon: Yes!
Penny: See, I'm not a scientist like them.
Professor Proton: I, I figured that out.

Raj: Hey, I just found out that I have to be at the telescope lab all weekend. Any chance you and Bernadette could take care of my dog?
Howard: Why don't you put her in a kennel?
Raj: Why don't you put your mother in a home?
Howard: To be honest, she'd do better in the kennel.

Sheldon: Professor Proton hosted my favorite science show when I was a child. I never missed an episode. He demonstrated scientific principles using everyday objects.
Leonard: It was pretty cool.
Penny: Aw, it's so cute when you use the word cool wrong. Like when kids say pasgetti.

Sheldon: Met my childhood hero, now I get to ride in an ambulance. Boy, if we can get him to do that calendar, this'll be the best day ever.

Sheldon: Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur. Happy kitty, sleepy kitty, purr, purr, purr.
Professor Proton: Thank you, Sheldon. That, that was very nice.
Sheldon: Want me to sing it again?
Professor Proton: No. The fourth, the fourth time was the charm.

Leonard: You want one of us to go with you in the ambulance?
Sheldon: I'll do it.
Professor Proton: He's not a relative. He's not allowed, right?
Paramedic: No, that's not a rule. He can go.
Professor Proton: I can't catch a break today.

Professor Proton: Let me see if, if I have this straight. You, you two are, are physicists, and you, and you want me to do a children's science show?
Sheldon: Yes. And if there's time, take 12 pictures with us in seasonal clothing.
Professor Proton: You know, I'm a real scientist. I, I have a PhD from Cornell University.
Sheldon: Yeah, that's great. Did you bring your puppet?
Professor Proton: No, no. I, I hate that puppet.
Sheldon: Oh, no. How could anybody hate (in an exaggerated Italian accent) Gino the Neutrino? It's nice, huh? I got him for 20 bucks on eBay. (Italian accent) Including the shipping!
Professor Proton: I'm, I'm awake, right? Th, this is happening?

Howard: (Skype tone) It's Raj. Stay quiet. Hey, bad timing. Bernadette just took Cinnamon out for a walk.
Raj: Hmm. Interesting. Did they take a walk down Liars' Lane?
Howard: What?
Raj: A lane frequented by liars. Like you, you big liar.

Sheldon: Leonard, are you in bed?
Leonard: Yes.
Sheldon: Me, too.
Leonard: Great.
Sheldon: I can't sleep.
Leonard: Well, I can, so shut up.
Sheldon: Do you realize that in less than nine hours, Arthur Jeffries, aka Professor Proton, will be in our apartment?
Leonard: Sheldon, you know that if you stay up all night, you're gonna be sleepy tomorrow. And a sleepy Sheldon is a cranky Sheldon. And a cranky Sheldon is actually no different than a regular Sheldon. Good night.

Professor Proton: Look, guys, keep your money. I, I think, uh, I, I think I'm done.
Sheldon: What, well what's wrong? Is she upsetting you? Because I can make her go away.
Professor Proton: No, she, she's the only reason I've, I've stayed this long.

Raj: Uncle Howard, Cinnamon's here for her sleepover party.
Howard: You know if you had a stroke, she'd eat you, right?
Raj: And it would be my pleasure to be her num-num.

Bernadette: Hang on, you've had her for hours?
Raj: Yes. I picked her up, and then we both went for massages to try and calm down. And then we got Pinkberry.
Bernadette: So you knew she was okay, and you couldn't pick up the phone to tell us?
Raj: Well, I, I thought about-
Bernadette: Don't well me, mister. We've been worried sick. She could have been dead for all we knew. You should be ashamed of yourself.
Raj: Sorry. I, I just-
Bernadette: Sorry's not good enough. Maybe you need to take some time and think about what you've done. (ends the Skype call)
Howard: Nice guilt trip. You are gonna be an amazing mom!

Raj: It's very simple. For breakfast, she has an egg-white frittata. Feel free to give her a choice of home fries or an English muffin, but not both. We're watching our weight. Uh, for dinner, something simple, a veal chop, some scampi, whatever you like.
Howard: Classy dog.
Raj: Yes. Also, don't forget to close the toilet or she'll drink out of it.