Bernadette: I have to go. Penny ratted me out. FYI, she's getting you a watch for your birthday with money she took out of your wallet.

Sheldon: Hello. I didn't expect you this evening.
Amy: Well, I was just feeling so bad about lying to you the other night. I wanted to make it up to you.
Sheldon: And how do you propose to do that?
Amy: *Opens coat to reveal school uniform*
Sheldon: Unless you have Gravity on Blu-ray under that skirt, I don't know where you're going with this.

Howard: Let me get this straight. So, he kills this girl's father, cuts off the guy's face, and is wearing it as a mask while he makes out with her.
Raj: I'm just gonna say it: that's not okay.

Sheldon: I don't mean to be rude or discourteous, but before we begin. I'd just like to say there's absolutely no scientific evidence to support clairvoyance of any kind. Which means - and again, no insult intended - you're a fraud, your profession is a swindle, and your livelihood is dependent on the gullibility of stupid people. But again, no offense.

Penny: Since you're paying for dinner, I'll let that slide.
Sheldon: Have you ever paid for a meal?
Penny: Not with money.

Psychic: Your spirit guides are telling me there's a woman in your life you're having problems with.
Sheldon: That's an easy guess. I'm clearly an annoying person. I have trouble with both genders.
Psychic: Yes, you clearly are.

Leonard: It took him a long time to get comfortable around me, too.
Amy: Really? What did you do?
Leonard: Something terrible in a former life? I don't know.

Leonard: You know what, why don't we just ease into this? Let's go for a walk and see if we find a new restaurant.
Sheldon: Any chance this restaurant is near Griffith Park? *Brings out a Lord of the Rings - Gandalf hat*
Leonard: No.

Amy: Did you lie to Howard about tonight?
Bernadette: Of course.
Amy: And you don't like feel guilty about it?
Bernadette: Between Penny's gorilla movie and Howard's gorilla mother, I had no choice.

Penny: Hey, maybe the answer to your career question is in one of these.
Sheldon: Penny, there's only one cookie with something in the middle that's solves life's problems and that's an Oreo. Or a nutterbutter if you're in a pinch.

Leonard: Thankfully, Penny and I have a relationship built around honesty.
*Amy and Bernadette chuckle*
Leonard: What? I don't lie to her.
Bernadette: Oh, we know you don't lie to her.

Psychic: He should give himself to this relationship. Once he does, all his other pursuits will come into focus.
Penny: Sheldon, you hear that? Amy is the key to your happiness.
Psychic: Exactly. Personally and professionally. Everything will fall into place once you commit to her.

Penny: Wow, you really struck a nerve. I've never heard him use the M-word before.

Sheldon: Oh, that's a lot of incense. ... Or somebody set a hippie on fire.

Penny: Read.
Sheldon: *Reading fortune cookie* "Your warm and fun-loving nature delights those around you."
Penny: Nope, try again.