Sheldon: (on Stephen Hawking's voice mail) I kiss girls now.

Emily: Oh my God I remember.
Howard: Can I finish my astronaut story?
Emily: It was four years ago
Howard: Please don't say it.
Emily: We were set up on a blind date.
Howard: Please don't say it.
Emily: You came to my apartment.
Howard: You're saying it.
Raj: What happened?
Howard: Okay, I'll say it. I was on the way to pick her up and my stomach felt a little funny. When I got there I asked if I could use her bathroom.
Bernadette: Please don't say it.
Howard: One roll of toilet paper and twenty minutes later, I was so humiliated I snook out the window and never saw her again.
Emily: You know what else I never saw again? My security deposit.
Howard: I'm so sorry. I tried to unclog it but you didn't have a plunger and water was spilling out everywhere.
Emily: Right, just water.

Emily: It's fine. All my friends love this story. They call you Clogzilla.
Raj: Get it? Because you clogged up her bathroom like a radioactive monster.

Howard: Hey, it's not like cotton candy comes out of you.

Penny: How about we toast your new found freedom?
Sheldon: Normally I refrain from alcohol, but since my cerebral cortex is twiddling its proverbial thumbs. Why not soak it in grape juice that's been predigested by a fungus?
Penny: And you wonder why other children beat you with books. Cheers!

Amy: Come on. Let's get you to bed. You've had a lot to drink.
Sheldon: No more than Penny.
Amy: That's what I'm saying.

Sheldon: Why do we have a geology book? Leonard, did you throw a children's party while I was in Texas?

Sheldon: I suppose I could see myself in a scientific boyband. Of course I'd be the dreamy one and the smart one.

Amy: Sorry I'm late. (Sees Sheldon's new hair style) What did you do?
Penny: I gave him a new look. Cute, huh?
Amy: Yeah, it's cute. That's the problem. I don't need other girls to see him walking around like sex on a stick?
Sheldon: (Looks in a mirror) She's right, I'm too hot.

Bernadette: I'm excited to meet Emily.
Howard: I just hope he doesn't blow it.
Bernadette: Why would you say that?
Howard: Because he's Raj. That's his thing. Beckham can bend it. Ralph can wreck it. Raj can blow it.

Penny: What's wrong with geology?
Sheldon: Let me put this in a way you'll understand, Penny. You remember you explained to me that the Kardashians aren't real celebrities? Well geology is the Kardashians of science.

Sheldon: It suggests I set these on fire, but the smell of burning books reminds me of church picnics in East Texas.

Sheldon: This seemed so elegant at the time, but now I realize I was just a dumb country boy seduced by a big city theory with variables in all the right places.

Sheldon: As hard as this is I have to move on. I can't keep postulating multi-dimensional entities and get nothing in return. I have needs too!

Raj: We have to go over some ground rules about Emily.
Howard: Like when it turns out she's made of rubber, I don't say anything?
Raj: She's very real.
Howard: That's what it says on the box. Right next to dishwasher safe.