Sheldon: If you're hungry, I brought home mutton and coconut milk.
Penny: Why'd you do that? You hate lamb.
Sheldon: I was asking for directions. Apparently there was a communication problem.

Leonard: I thought Amy was going to drive you home.
Sheldon: I thought so too, but she's acting very strangely. I was discussing it with a Sri Lankan fella on the bus. He hypothosized that a tiger may have recently run across her shadow. Although he may have just been trying to drum up business for his brother-in-law's witchdoctor practice.

Raj: It wasn't a pajama party. It was just a couple of bros hanging out, giggling, eating cookie dough and watching Princess Bride.
Howard: Please stop talking.
Raj: As you wish.

Sheldon: Look at her, desperately wishing she was over her at the cool table.
[Cut to Amy laughing with her colleagues at another table]
Sheldon: Don't worry little moth, the flame will come to you.

Amy: And this is Dr. Gundersen from Stockholm.
Sheldon: Ah, Sweden. Home of my favorite Muppet and second-favorite meatball.
*Dr. Gundersen and Amy look blankly at Sheldon*
Sheldon: Okay, the Nordic reputation for a lack of humor is well founded. Boy, is his name Gundersen or No-fun-dersen?

Amy: Where are we going with this Dr. Cooper?
Sheldon: Oh please, I'm your boyfriend. Call me Sheldon.

Sheldon: That's right. I'm in a boy-girl relationship with this cute little lump of wool.

Penny: You can't tell her what she can or can not do.
Sheldon: Last week you told Leonard he couldn't wear his wookie jacket out in public.
Penny: That's different. I'm not going to the mall with somebody dressed like a dumb space bear.

Sheldon: Are you sure your moth-like personality won't be drawn to this blazing fire that is myself?
Amy: More and more sure.

Raj: His only options here are to fake a heart attack or have a real one.

Howard: My arm is feeling numb. *Howard rubs his right arm*
Bernadette: That's the wrong arm for a heart-attack, doofus.
*Howard switches to his left arm*

Sheldon: If it makes you feel any better, Amy and I are fine. I mean really good.

Raj: What started as a pap smear turned into a date, which turned into her working there, which turned into marriage, which then turned into hatred which continues to this day.

Sheldon: I appreciate your concern but I won't be seeing any more of Amy than I already do. I assume we'll deduct any extra time I see her at work from our weekly quota.'
Leonard: Please let me be there when you tell her that.
Sheldon: Why? So you can see the look on her face when she hears my top notch idea?
Leonard: Please, oh please, just let me be there.

Amy: I'm leading a study to see if deficiency of the monoamine oxidase enzyme leads to paralysing fear in monkies.
Bernadette: If they're anything like humans, the answer is yes.
Amy: You've done this experiment on humans?
Bernadette: You mean like death row inmates with nothing to lose? No, that would be unethical.