Leonard: This is me doing the Titanic pose on the boat. ... Oh, that's me getting rescued when I fell in.

Leonard: I'm going to hit the head. That's what us salty sea dogs say when we have to go pee-pee.

Sheldon: I'm quite familiar with plumbing. Not to brag, but I spent most of fifth grade with my head in a toilet.

Sheldon: That's curious. If there's no one here, why are there two glasses of wine on the table?
Penny: Oh, well you know. I've got two hands and a bit of a drinking prolbem.
Sheldon: Of course. Ask a silly question.

Sheldon: Have you got Leonard a welcome home gift?
Penny: No.
Sheldon: Do you want to go halfsies on a $200 squirt gun?

Sheldon: If my apples are mealy, we can hit the supermarket for one last blowout. I'll even let you push the trolley.

Sheldon: Please don't take my looking forward to Leonard coming home as criticism of you in his absence. That criticism will come later in your report card.
Penny: Yeah, I didn't stay for the detention. I'm not going to read the report card.

Sheldon: Penny, it's your lucky day. Three of these eggs are clearly not jumbo size. Grab your keys!

Sheldon: Stuart, I was wondering if you can help me find something.
Stuart: Happy to, unless it's hope or a reason to live?
Sheldon: Oh, you make me laugh, sad clown.

Sheldon: Aquaman? This isn't a gag gift, Stuart.

Sheldon: I want you to be happy, too. But not enough to do anything about it.

Raj: Who died and made you the king of moments?

Sheldon: A while back, YouTube changed its user interface from a star-based rating system to a thumbs-up rating system. I tell people I'm okay with it, but I'm really not.

Sheldon: Well now I know how it must have felt being mauled by that sex-crazed gorilla.

Amy: It would be nice to be with a man who wants to know what's underneath my cardigan. FYI, it's another cardigan.