Howard: Hey, it's not like cotton candy comes out of you.

Leonard: How about the Asian Fusion place?
Sheldon: Fusion and Asians? I'm trying not to think about science.

Penny: Come on, open it. I bet it says something great.
Sheldon: This is Asian fusion. For all you know there's a tiny chihuahua in there.

Sheldon: For your information, I was asking her about the next Star Trek movie.
Penny: I can answer that one: I'll be bored.

Sheldon: I'm fine.
Leonard: Okay ... and yet he cried when they changed the Raisin Bran box.

Howard: I think he's taking this Professor Proton thing pretty hard.
Raj: Should we try to console him?
Howard: Or should we respect his privacy in this moment of grief?
Raj: By staying here and watching the movie?
Howard: That's what good friends would do!

Sheldon: Look at Arthur cracking up at a joke I made. I'll never hear that joke again.
Arthur: You never heard it that time.

Howard: Would you like me to play some Polish music while you carry her to the toilet?
Bernadette: You are a putz.
Howard: As advertised.

Sheldon: That was awkward, right?
Raj: Uh huh.
Sheldon: Is it because she's dating you but was out with that other fella?
Raj: Yes.
Sheldon: Good. I thought she saw something on my forehead.

Raj: Wouldn't you be upset if you saw Amy out with someone else?
Sheldon: Can't happen. We have an iron-clad relationship agreement which precludes her from sexual contact with anyone other than me.
Raj: But you don't have sex with her either.
Sheldon: Slick, huh?

Sheldon: So when will you reopen?
Stuart: I don't know. I'm waiting to hear back from the insurance company.
Sheldon: So tomorrow?

Sheldon: No, no. You save your apologies for after you've had disappointing coitus with Penny.

Sheldon: There was obvious someone else in her apartment. I have no choice but to assume the worst, given Leonard's lengthy sea voyage and Penny's famously ravenous nether regions.

Sheldon: Well, if you want romance then let's have romance. Oh look, there's wine. Mmm, grape juice that burns! Now let's gaze into each other's eyes. You blinked, I win.
Amy: Sheldon!
Sheldon: Let's see what's next. Oh, kissing's romantic.
*Sheldon kisses Amy*
Amy: That was nice.
Sheldon: Good.

Professor Proton: Sheldon, in a couple of hours I have to get up, pee and then wander around the house.