Raj: Hello, mommy.
Mrs.Koothrappali: Hello, Rajesh. What a nice surprise.
Raj: Well, I've been thinking about you. Are you happy, mommy?
Mrs.Koothrappali: Such a sweet boy for asking. I can't believe you come from the poison seed of your father.

Sheldon: You can't return it. Howard wiped his bottom with the warranty.
Raj: What?
Sheldon: I think metaphorically. But he was in the bathroom for a while.

Raj: I have to return the helicopter. My father-- What did you do?!
Sheldon: Don't worry. He went to MIT. He can solve any problem. As long as it doesn't originate in a Russian man's colon.

Sheldon: So, can you get it working?
Howard: I'm an MIT-trained engineer. I've built components for the space station.
Sheldon: I thought the zero-gravity toilet didn't work.
Howard: It worked fine. It just wasn't designed for Russian cosmonauts and their potato-based diet.

Sheldon: Boy, oh, boy, that's a lot of pieces. You know what they all do, right?
Howard: Yes, of course.
Sheldon: What about this one? *holds up a mini logic circuit*
Howard: Well, I... How familiar are you with miniaturized integrated logic circuits?
Sheldon: Not very.
Howard: That right there is a miniaturized integrated logic circuit.

Penny: I called your old high school and convinced them to let you give your speech over Skype.
Leonard: Really? That's amazing. And you gave me the robes to give it in. Thank you.
Penny: Yeah, now about those, uh, they came from a costume shop, and all they had left was sexy graduate, so they might be a little short.
Leonard: Short and sexy, that's my wheelhouse.

Penny: Hi.
Leonard: Hey, where'd you go?
Penny: I got you a little something to cheer you up.
Leonard: Really? Sex last night, pancakes this morning-- am I dying?

Howard: All right, playtime's over. Let's open this baby up.
Sheldon: Won't that void the warranty?
Howard: Sheldon, I have a master's degree in engineering. I wipe my bottom with warranties. Except for AppleCare. That pays for itself in the long run.

Sheldon: We did it! Oh! God, if it's this much fun to rotate, imagine when we fly it.

Dr. Koothrappali: No, my mind is made up. Starting now, you're on your own.
Raj: But, Daddy, I miss my family so much, and with you and Mummy getting a divorce, I feel sad and empty. Buying a little toy every now and then helps me fill that void. So while I can't hug you every day, flying that helicopter really makes--
Dr. Koothrappali: I'm cutting you off.
Raj: Just to be clear, financially or mid-sentence?

Dr. Koothrappali: I'm tired of indulging your foolish lifestyle. It's time you learned responsibility. And the only way to teach you that is to cut off your allowance.
Raj: No, Daddy, no! There are lots of other ways to teach me responsibility. I know, you can give me an egg and make me take care of it for a week.

Dr. Koothrappali: Oh, and there's something else I wanted to ask you. Why did you spend a month's rent on a toy helicopter?!
Raj: Oh, you're where that bill goes.

Dr. Koothrappali: Are you still dating that dermatologist?
Raj: If you could feel how soft my skin is, you wouldn't have to ask.

Sheldon: What does red and yellow mean?
Howard: It means the calibration failed. We have to start over.
Sheldon: Oh. Very well. Reinitiating calibration sequence. *flips switch rapidly* One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten... *lights on drone don't turn solid yellow* eleven. It's a good thing I didn't send that letter.

Howard: Now I rotate it horizontally on its center axis until the lights turn green.
Sheldon: Initiating rotation sequence. Don't look at me. Initiate.