Josh: I've always dreamed of having a brother to play catch with.
Bernadette: Keep dreaming.

Sheldon: Well, I'll give you three guesses why I'm so irritated.
Howard: Something happened different from the way you wanted it.
Sheldon: I guess news travels fast.

Raj: You here looking for money?
Josh: No.
Raj: A kidney, cornea, piece of his liver?
Josh: No.
Raj: You're in a Beatles cover band and you need Howard to replace your dad as Ringo.

Amy: Being left out is a terrible feeling. No one understands that better than I do.
Sheldon: Hey, look at that. Even in your example, you're all by yourself.

Howard: Hey, I threw out the first pitch at an Angels game.
Josh: Wow.
Bernadette: He did it with a robot.
Josh: You had sex with a robot?
Howard: That's not what she meant.
Raj: But technically, yes.

Raj: Hey, I got you a little gift.
Bernadette: Oh, that's a lot of Girl Scout Cookies.
Raj: You know me. I'm from India. I can't resist children begging.

Amy: When there was a lice epidemic at my school, everybody got it except me. I tried to fool everyone by sprinkling sugar in my hair, but I just got attacked by bees.

Leonard: Okay, fine. Sheldon, may I please visit your fort?
Sheldon: I want to say no, but it's too glorious. Get in here!

Howard: I'm surprised you could hear me with this Thin Mint in your ear! *takes a Thin Mint from behind Josh's ear* Yeah, pretty cool, huh?
Josh: Yeah. Anyway, I should probably get going.
Bernadette: Howie, have you noticed how often people say that when you start to do magic?

Kevin Smith: Hey, man, yo, is everything okay, Wil? 'Cause it's been, like, two minutes and you haven't even brought up Stand By Me.

Penny: Oh, sweetie, you should really get some money.

Penny: Okay, instead of protecting me, why don't you try being excited when something good happens?
Leonard: I'm always excited for you. I'm excited that you found this new job where you're making decent money.
Penny: Decent? I make twice what you make.
Leonard: Wait, twice?
Penny: Yeah.
Leonard: Like times two, twice?

Howard: Settle this. Those little animated pictures on the Internet, are they called "gifs" or "jifs"?
Leonard: Well, the G stands for "graphics." That's a hard G, so I'd say "gif."
Raj: What? The guy who invented it says it's "jif."
Howard: I'm sorry, do you mean the guy or the juy?

Wil Wheaton: For those of you listening at home. How great is this?

Amy: I'd say Knox over Ticonderoga 'cause it's got the gold, and McBlanket over Sumter 'cause it has a higher thread count.