Sheldon: Clearly, good things happen when I'm in charge. Now, why don't you boys step aside, let me knock this project out.
Leonard: Sheldon, you're not in charge. Raj is in charge.
Sheldon: Leonard, who's really in charge? The person in charge or those who put him in charge.
Raj: He's right. If you think about it, we're all in charge.
Sheldon: No, the guy in charge is in ch-. Why is everyone so bad at these?

Penny: I mean, the whole experience reminded me about how much I hated about that world. You-you know, the anxiety, the depression, the negativity. I don't want to feel those things. I want to sell drugs to people who feel those things.

Penny: You are a wise man.
Sheldon: Well, Penny, who's smarter, the wise man or the person who comes to him for advice?
Penny: Oh, I guess you're right. Maybe it is the person who asks.
Sheldon: No, it's the wise man. That's why they call him the wise man.

Bernadette: What's going on in here?
Howard: I am making molecular cocktails. This sphere is actually a cosmopolitan.
Bernadette: Oh. How do you drink it?
Howard: Just put it in your mouth and pop it like a zit.

Raj: Okay, so we know that previous attempts to send a message into space, like the Golden Record on Voyager, were heavily criticized.
Leonard: Well, aliens could only play the Golden Record if they figured out how to build a record player.
Raj: Eh. Although, to be fair, I watched E.T. build a telephone out of a Speak & Spell and an umbrella. Dude was like a little brown MacGyver.

Raj: You guys know the new discovery class missions that NASA's been working on?
Howard: Yeah.
Raj: Well, they're looking to include a message from Earth in case one of them is encountered by alien life.
Leonard: When I encountered alien life, I discovered that the key thing was not to sit in its spot.

Sheldon: *singing in the tune of "Bingo Was His Name-o"* There was a scientist who had a theory, and James Clerk Maxwell was his name-o. J-A-M-E-S, C-L-E-R-K, space, M-A-X-W-E-L-L, and James Clerk Maxwell was his name-o. There was a scientist who had a theory, and James Clerk Maxwell was his name-o. *claps* A-M-E-S--
Leonard: Okay, okay, we get it.

Sheldon: Hey, would you like to hear some songs I've rewritten to get children interested in the hard sciences?
Howard: Sure.
Leonard: Really?
Howard: Yeah. I like music. I like science. I like making fun of Sheldon. Hit it!

Leonard: Okay, fine. Sheldon, may I please visit your fort?
Sheldon: I want to say no, but it's too glorious. Get in here!

Amy: Well, it applies to you, too.
Sheldon: I was afraid you might bring this up, so I have a work-around. *puts a picture of his face in front of his real face* There you go. As far as you're concerned, I'm smiling. Although, I must admit, I'm smiling a little bit at the moment because this loophole is so brilliant.

Josh: I've always dreamed of having a brother to play catch with.
Bernadette: Keep dreaming.

Amy: According to the codicil of the Relationship Agreement which you insisted upon, we're not allowed to pout or be moody on date night.
Sheldon: You know I just put that in because of uterus stuff.

Amy: Being left out is a terrible feeling. No one understands that better than I do.
Sheldon: Hey, look at that. Even in your example, you're all by yourself.

Sheldon: Okay, so the final four forts in the first annual best fort ever contest, or "fort off," are Fort Knox, Fort Ticonderoga, Fort Sumter and... Fort Cozy McBlanket.

Howard: Settle this. Those little animated pictures on the Internet, are they called "gifs" or "jifs"?
Leonard: Well, the G stands for "graphics." That's a hard G, so I'd say "gif."
Raj: What? The guy who invented it says it's "jif."
Howard: I'm sorry, do you mean the guy or the juy?